Monday, June 19, 2006

Hogging

Hogging

I was referred to a blog post about hogging and I read the blog post and was neither shocked, informed nor moved to raise my arms and scream foul. However, I was motivated to take up keyboard in hand(just not as poetic as taking up pen in hand), and chime in on the subject in general.

As an introduction to the subject for those of you who’ve never heard of it, hogging is a “game” played by guys, generally drinking or otherwise inebriated, in which the winner of the “game” is the guy who bags the fattest woman(i.e. the biggest hog) and can have sex with her that night and then dump her as quickly as possible. Needless to say, there is nothing socially redeeming or otherwise positive to say about this practice and I won’t add my own volcanic outflow deriding and this abhorrent behavior. If you don’t understand why this is a bad thing then you are in the wrong place when you’re reading this blog.

In thinking about this subject I, however, wonder about a number of issues. One, why it is focused on fat women. Two, why do fat women agree to participate in this activity(though I suppose they don’t know in most cases that they’re merely a prize, if only a booby prize, rather than the source of any affection or attraction). Three, whether there is any reason to be righteously indignant about this stupid and demeaning behavior.

The first point, why is it focused on fat women, is perhaps the easiest question to wrap one’s arms around. Fat people are the last safe group that can be picked on without any repercussions. We have no constituency and thus no political or social protection. The courts provide substantially zero protection under equal protection claims since we’re neither a racially suspect classification nor an identifiable minority or other historically discriminated against group or class. You might be saying that fat people have always been discriminated against.. and you’d be right. But, fat people have never banded together as a group, and thus we don’t have the protections granted to groups which are discriminated against, such as homosexuals, gypsies, Jews, etc. However, it’s unlikely that drunken menchildren will contemplate the nuances of the Constitutional Law associated with Equal Protection and Due Process under the 5th and 14th Amendments to the Constitution while working on their buzz.

A second reason why the targeting is focused on fat women, rather than tall women, short women, skinny women, dark women, light women, flat chested women, etc. is that fat women are generally looked down upon by many of the non-fat folks.. and even some other fat folks because they feel they can look down at the social status of the fat women in an effort to make themselves feel more important and powerful. Dumb, I know... but I suspect this is an important element of the discrimination and bad treatment that fat people in general and fat women specifically suffer through. Fat men tend not to be as negatively affected because fat men are often perceived as powerful despite or perhaps because of the weight they carry around. On the other hand, most fat women are seen as being somewhat more helpless and weak than their thinner sisters.

A third reason why the targeting is focused on fat women is that they are perceived as being easy and/or desperate for sex and thus an easy target for a one night conquest. As I understand the hogging approach, this is not a get laid at any cost or time approach. This is an effort to get laid within the buzz of the inebriation of the evening and to get out before morning. I know that this perception of fat women as easy and/or desperate is not true of many women, but it is true of enough that this sort of activity is enabled. My personal experience, over the years has taught me that there are many aggressively sexually forward fat women who are either desperate for sex or so highly sexed that they want to find a partner as soon as possible. I’ve encountered and turned down a number of such women over the years, even though I have known that with any encouragement at all I would have had sex with them. I wasn’t then, and am not now looking for a purely sexual relationship without a solid emotional and psychological attachment to the woman. The same can’t be said for me at other times in my life(much earlier) and some other men.

A fourth reason is, I believe the fact that there are many repressed FAs who in fact are really attracted to fat women, but refuse to allow themselves to accept that and will do anything to avoid others believing that they are attracted to fat women. These men get the best of both worlds for them… they have the sex with the women they’re wired to be aroused by, and they avoid the social pariah status of loving fat women that is feared by them by abandoning and ridiculing the women.

Each of these reasons and an overarching desire by men to get laid as often as possible, however and with whoever, drives many men and motivates this behavior.

So now we have a sense of why the guys do it. But it takes two to tango. How and why do the women get sucked in. I’m sure the answers are as many as all the women who participate knowingly or unknowingly(either subjectively or objectively). But, I think there are some themes and concepts that are applicable to a significant number of the women who succumb to the advances of the one night lotharios. One is a sense of low self esteem in the women which makes them accept any man who shows any positive interest in them and their bodies. A second is a sense that the women hope to attract the men who are wooing them, and believe that by offering him their bodies they will cause him to stay with them. A third is an enjoyment of being “popular” and doing whatever necessary to maintain this status. A fourth is a misguided sense that when drunken men profess their adoration and love for them that they’re being sincere. A fifth is a sense that the guy is “above their station” in some sense and thus a great catch who they need to do whatever possible to hold onto.

Whatever the reasons that the women participate in the hogging “game”, it is my understanding that in almost all cases the sex is fully consensual, even if the men are operating under false pretenses. To the extent that it is forced or obtained by getting the woman drunk, that’s rape and rape is not an acceptable form of behavior. But, if its truly consensual, why is it so bad?

The answer to that is that the women, in going with a guy on a one night stand are operating with very little information about the guy before they agree to have sex with him. In many cases the guys have been misleading about their intentions, their true feelings about the fat gal, and what they are looking for in the “relationship”. What makes the “hogging” so obnoxious and offensive is not the fact that they have consensual sex. Between consenting adults, sex is not a bad thing. What does make it a bad thing is when the guy then abandons the bed as quickly as possible to tell his friends about his Nantucket Sleigh Ride. It’s the opening to ridicule and humiliation and public scorn that is so worthy of opprobrium.

So, we come to the final question; is there is any reason to be righteously indignant about this stupid and demeaning behavior. The answer is yes, but not because the act of picking a fat woman to have sex with is bad. In fact I can’t think of something more attractive and wonderful, so long as it’s paired with a relationship from which the sexual activities flows. Also, to the extent that the sexual acts are consensual(and we could debate whether the sex is consensual if the woman doesn’t actually know what’s going on but should have been able to deduce it), neither partner and certainly not the woman, has the right to be upset with the other for going forward with the sexual act. But, clearly, the guys who go into this one night stand mode with no intention of having any continuing relationship are sleazeballs… but I don’t believe they are necessarily evil, since the woman willingly went into the sexual encounter. That the woman was lied to or allowed herself to believe a set of facts which weren’t the true facts about the man’s intentions, is sad, but not a reason for righteous indignation.

The only aspect of this hogging process that really upsets me is the way in which the sexual act is translated from a dance between two sweating bodies into a public test of virility and grossness intended for the general consumption of the man’s friends or colleagues as a source of humor at someone’s expense. The men who perform the sex act with the intention of making fun of what they’ve just done to their friends and abruptly leaving the woman as a part of the intentional infliction of humiliating treatment are to be considered scum of the earth. Having said that, we are surrounded by many folks with morals so low that they need to be lifted to prevent them from being soaked when one crosses a wet street. To the extent that fat people ever truly band together as brothers and sisters this sort of behavior will be quickly stamped out. To the extent that fat women enhance their sense of self esteem and worth they will never allow this sort of sexual predator to prey on them.

All one need do is tell the man that one doesn’t have sex on the first date, no matter what. If the guy is still around for the next date he may be for real. If he disappears when he realizes he’s not getting any sex that evening, good riddance and a good result is obtained.

I guess what I’m saying is that it’s not a matter of assigning fault that’s important, but restricting and terminating the boys behaving badly. The way to do this is within the control of the fat women. All they need to do is say no the first night and they’ll see if the guy was for real or merely a hogger. If the woman and man have a nascent relationship which is growing, the desire of the woman to wait before engaging in sex not only stops the hogger in his stride, but it also shows whether the man has a sensitivity to the woman’s feelings. Not every relationship blossoms, but certainly women can tilt the odds in their favor and avoid the the morally repugnant hogging practice if they want.

7 Comments:

Blogger emily pound said...

Hi Huge,

Thanks for posting about this. I was very interested to see your take on it. I agree with all the reasons you set out as to why fat women have sex with these guys. Having been in that position, I can get even more specific.

Any fat woman has usually been a fat teenager. When I was a teenager, all my girlfriends were slim. I might have had a chubby friend or two, but the girls I was closest to were always slim. I had to sit by and watch them get hit on by guy after guy, lose their virginity, move in with their boyfriends, get married and have babies, when I was slumming with whatever I could get. I have been cursed with a high sex drive and this was a big part of the reason I was so vulnerable to men like this. I cannot describe how awful, how bereft, how painful it was to see all my friends get the sexual and romantic attention when I got nothing. This set me up to accept anyone who showed an interest in me. Although I can say I never fooled around or slept with anyone as outwardly misogynistic as the scum in the article you read, I'm sure they could very well have just been putting on a good disguise in order to get what they wanted. I never heard from these guys again, so I can pretty much figure out what they said to their friends about me. "I met this fat chick in the bar last night and we went back to my place and she gave me the most awesome blowjob," "didn't want to fuck her though, she was too gross." My self esteem was absolutely zero. How could it be any more than that, when my lack of desirability was constantly reinforced by my aloneness, the lack of male attention? It still affects me to this day. I feel much better about myself now, but a lot of the time, especially when I see chicks on the street walking around with skimpy clothes or tight jeans, I feel like that unwanted teenage fat girl all over again. I can't compete with that.

I truly believe that these hoggers are closet FAs and they are making their dreams come true by having sex with fat women and then pretending they thought it was disgusting by joking with their friends about it. It's so obscene. Can you imagine if this kind of behaviour was doled out to any minority, such as black people? "Hey, let's pick up the first black chick we see, fuck her and then dump her." Do you think that would be condoned? It would probably get all the way to the Supreme Court.

Fat people, but especially women, are treated like shit. Will it ever end?

20/6/06 7:45 AM  
Blogger hugehugefan said...

Dear Emily:

I'm sorry that you feel that the skimpily clad young skinny girls are in any way more attractive than you are. Having seen a picture of you I can say that they don't hold a candle to your curvaceous figure and sparkling smile. Don't believe for a second that you can't compete with them. And, more importantly, why would you want to. Why would some real man want a nymphette when he can have a full blown beautiful woman like you?


Fat women are treated like shit only if they allow themselves to treated in that way. The only way it will ever stop is if we stand up for ourselves and insist on appropriate treatment, contact by contact and person by person.

Huge

20/6/06 8:23 AM  
Blogger emily pound said...

(((((((((huge))))))))))))))))

Thank you. :-)

20/6/06 1:14 PM  
Anonymous Lin said...

Hey Huge,

Well this is my first comment on your posts so get ready. Hogging really isn't that new--I remember hearing this story probably 5 or 6 years ago. I was mortified when I read the story; I figured anyone who knew about it would think I was one of those fat girls who could only get laid by being this desperate. Of course that was before I had fattitude.

Anyway, this story always reminds me of high school. Remember that time when our hormones were raging and we had no clue what to do with them? Many times I'd walk by a group of boys and hear one of them say, "How'd you like to do that?" and hear the erruptions of laughter. I was convinced that no boy would date me, let alone have sex with me. And I guess I was right...I never had a date the entire time I was in school. Then again, I was always full of this rebellious anger and expressed it by being a wannabe punk (remember, this was circa 1981-82) and I had spiked hair, wore all black clothes and heavy black eyeliner. If anyone looked at me the wrong way I had an expletive waiting. Fat or skinny I was a weirdo but I thought I was cool.

One thing that always confused me was the rare times I would find myself alone with a boy--either on the back of the school bus or in a deserted hallway--and would be invited to perform oral sex on him. Now, this was back in the day when blow jobs were a sex act, not equivalent to kissing as I understand the kiddies see it these days. I would have this conflicting internal reaction: extreme disgust and secret delight that I was actually thought of sexually. Thank goodness the disgust won out over any curiosity to take these boys up on their offers. I can only imagine what my reputation would have been then.

So I didn't have a boyfriend all through high school. Finally at 18 a boy took notice of me and we started hanging out (not dating, just hanging out). At that point I was convinced I was going to die a virgin and never get to find out what the sex act was all about. Not that I didn't already know everything about sex; my older brother's dirty mags were a rich source of education. I knew pretty much what to do but still wanted to know what it felt like. Anyway, once I was sure this boy wanted to do this with me I decided to have a go at it. I still made him wait a month or so until I was on birth control so we could have unprotected sex safely (weren't those wonderful years?). I hung on to him for almost two years, till he moved on to someone else. But during that time I felt like a sex goddess. He never told me my fat body was a huge turn on, and if he ever said I was pretty I don't really remember it. But boy, we sure could go at it like rabbits. We still did regular stuff, like movies and going out with other friends or just spending time together. I look back at those days fondly. We had fun, we were safe, and he didn't fool around with anyone else. In fact, that boy ended up marrying a girl who was not only my body double but looked alot like me and having four children. I know because he looked me up some years ago after his divorce and wanted to go out. Had to turn him down the second time though.

Anyway, after him I had a sexual dry spell. I went back to being the fat friend who didn't get laid and rarely got a man's attention. Well, one drunk guy did tell me I'd be hot if I'd lay off the groceries. That was special. But as Huge has said, stick to the "no sex on the first date" rule and it will pay off. Hell, I dated a guy for 3 weeks and still never gave it up. He soon dumped me for my friend, the skinny one. She didn't do him either.

Hogging can really happen to any girl who opens herself up to one-night stands. I'm sure there are many slim girls who gave it up in some way and was talked about like a dog with the guy friends afterwards. Oh yeah--I know lots of them. They're the ones I call skinny sluts ;-)

22/6/06 7:13 PM  
Blogger hugehugefan said...

Dear Lin:

Thanx for posting a comment. You're thoughts on the subject are very cool. I too had heard of hogging some time ago, though I somehow recall someone referring to going on a Nantucket Sleigh Ride(an allusion to the whaling ships out of Nantucket which would put out a small boat tied to the end of the rope attached to the harpoon which, if it lodged in the whale was then dragged by the whale for some distance until the whale finally tired. That ride, the Nantucket Sleigh Ride, was supposed to be a wild ride).

Your comments about the skinny girls who are also up for a one night stand is so dead on point. No one seems as upset by the cheerleader types who are skanky and will lay down for any jock who asks for or takes their body for the night.

So many fat girls have had experiences like yours with late starts and long dry stretches(though the same could be said for many guys and many girls who are not fat). How wonderful that you resisted the temptation to offer up your body for a one night stand, understanding that while sex can be and is wonderful(with the right partner), sex with the wrong partner can feel wrong, cheap or tawdry and embarrassing after the fact.

The skinny sluts and the fat sluts are actually the same. while there motivations may be different or the same, need, desperation and low self esteem are strong factors in the decision to succumb to the urge for sex without sleeping on the appropriateness of a partner.

23/6/06 8:15 PM  
Blogger emily pound said...

Lin and Huge,

I wish I could say I had been as strong-minded as you were. But my hormones and sexual curiosity won out. However, I never EVER considered myself a slut. I remember a guy saying to me once, (although, of course, this may have been self-serving) "A girl isn't a slut if she sleeps with a guy on the first date. A girl who sleeps with TEN guys in one night ... now THAT's a slut." I was always looking for love from my sexual experiences, not just sex. I always wanted them to be more than they were. So I don't think I fit into the "slut" category of giving it up easy just because I wanted to get off. And even if that was the case, there's such a double standard. Guys are encouraged to have as much sex as possible and enjoy it, and if a woman dares to enjoy sex, she's branded a slut. That hypocrisy drives me nuts.

I have also had interminable dry spells where I thought I would never have sex again. I honestly think that's the worst thing about being a fat girl.

25/6/06 3:41 PM  
Blogger hugehugefan said...

Dear Emily:

Very interesting comment from you, following up the thread. This has moved beyond the "hogging", to focus more on the nature of relationships and where sex fits into the relationships.

Check out the post that responds to your comment.

Huge

26/6/06 12:10 PM  

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