Where to?

The first posts that went up were like pent up venom(or pus in a pimple) that was ready to shoot out as soon as it was tapped. The later posts, which explored my preferences, were subjects which had been pondered over the last few decades. The last posts relating to feeders and my own thoughts, feelings and urges in that regard are hot button issues which had been under consideration over a long time and which were somewhat painful and self-intrusive to share.

And then, I took a deep breath.

First, I was shocked at the lack of anger, righteous indignation, bizarre misunderstood reactions to my apparent approval of some of the behavior that fits within the feeder umbrella. I still don't get it. Some have privately suggested that my posts were so long and too damned reasonable to really do much more than just nod uh huh or okay. But I don't buy this, because I've seen over the years the unreasonable and knee-jerk responses that otherwise rational FAs and BBWs have to the "Feeder" word... the F word? So, I've decided that apart from perhaps a dozen or fewer regular readers, nobody else has really bothered to wade their way through the piles of elliptically crafted words. After a bit of pouting I've decided that I can live with that since those whose views I care about are on board and do comment and share their thoughts on these issues.

Second, having decided that I'd said what I wanted to say and hadn't faced a shitstorm of responses painting me all sorts of shades of terrible I was put off my game.

Third, life came up and called me to task, limiting my free time to commune with the blog. Okay, in English... lots of work and then a small mini-vacation took me away from the computer.

Fourth, no single topic appeared to capture me and trip the light fantastic.

So, I pondered and waited. Did I have writer's block(or is it blogger's block). Has my blog run its course and become broken? Is there nothing more to say?

No, I think its just a matter of writing from the heart and the brain not being something which can be pumped out like links of a sausage. Also, I was sensing that the next posts would be relatively slender esssays and not the magnum opuses that had preceded them. So, expect a few posts in the next week on little issues, some which express wonder with SSBBWs, some that deal with my way of addressing the world, and some that will shine a bit of light on nuggets of beauty.

And no, I haven't abandoned the blog, so far its been too much fun.

Feeder, reprised

Feeder, reprised

Well, I set up the scaffolding to try and take on the term Feeder and perhaps the concept of what a Feeding relationship can mean and ultimately(for purposes of the blog) where I come out on the whole thing.

I think the best way for me to try this out is to put a few scenarios together (some of which are admittedly a bit hypothetical) and give my reaction to each of them and then after trying that out a few times, see if I can express what my views are on the whole mix and see if I can perhaps generalize.

I’m surprised that there have been so few comments on the first post. Perhaps no one is reading the blog, or perhaps readers are a bit in shock, or, hopefully, the readers are waiting for my value judgments before they jump into the fray. In any event... on I go.

Gee, why does this feel so much like walking the plank.

Okay.. the first situation is a male Feeder who is feeding a female Feedee who is also a Foodee. The woman is already well over 500 pounds and has been gaining weight rapidly, say more than 50 pounds a year, for a period of time, whether with this Feeder or another or on her own. The woman at this point has an almost insatiable appetite resulting from eating huge quantities of food to keep gaining weight for some time, but recognizes that her body is reaching the point where walking, caring for her self and working are becoming increasingly difficult. She senses that with another 50 or less pounds she will be forced to quit her job and will find leaving the house on her own difficult and will be dependent on the Feeder for financial support, provision and preparation of her food, assistance in bathing and toilette and access to medical care. She also expects that shortly after this, additional weight gain will leave her essentially immobile and a prisoner in her bed.

There are really two scenarios here, in one the woman is upset/unhappy/scared about these consequences and in the other she welcomes and looks forward to these consequences. For me, it makes no difference, because in both of these cases I couldn’t in good conscience force, encourage or even enable a woman in this condition to continue with her gaining. In the situation where the woman doesn’t want these consequences to happen, and assuming I cared for and about her I would work with her to find a way to help her at the least stop gaining so that she could maintain her independence and mobility. My focus would not be to punish the woman or impose some diet or exercise regime on her based on my views of what would be best for her, but to help her to make choices that she considers best for her. However, if she continues to make bad choices for herself and insists on behaviors which would necessarily lead her to immobility I would feel obligated to disengage from that sort of a relationship. From what I’ve seen there are many cases where men have relationships with women who are Feedees or Foodees who love the women dearly and allow their love for the women to force them to enable the women they love to grow beyond a point where there bodies are mobile or healthy. These men take the view, in the moment, that to deny their women the food that the women crave, demand and in some cases seem to become ill without, is worse than giving them what they want. In my view, as painful as it would be, if the woman fails to act in her own behalf after coming to grips with the immobility end game of her Feedee or Foodee desires, the painful step of severing the relationship while she is still mobile, is less negative than continuing to enable the increasing fattening which will inevitably result in immobility and total dependence.

As a caveat I will note that I don’t generally find the concept of a woman who is immobile particularly sexy or arousing. Very fat women I do find very attractive, but only if they are mentally active, physically mobile(though aerial gymnastic ability is definitely not required) and strongly protective of their desire to maintain the highest degree of independence possible.

As a further note.. it doesn’t make a difference to me whether the woman wants to be fattened, is neutral to being fattened or is opposed to it but allows it to continue without a fight(whether due to her unwillingness to change the behavior that is causing her to head toward immobility or her unwillingness to resist the forcing, urging or enabling behavior of her Feeder). In all such cases I would consider the Feeder’s activities to be unacceptable, irresponsible and potentially criminal(though perhaps not in a strict legal sense at least morally criminal).

Okay.. situation two..

A woman of about 300 pounds loves to eat and wants to spend a year eating to her heart’s delight, after a long period of dieting and straining to maintain her weight at 300 pounds. She anticipates that she will gain weight, but she already exercises to maintain herself in good physical condition at her size and would expect to continue her conditioning as she gains weight. She has previously weighed as much as 450 pounds and knows from the past experience that she felt comfortable in her body until she weighed 400 pounds, but much beyond that she was uncomfortable and began to have more mobility and reach issues than she was comfortable with. The question, if I had a loving relationship with this woman would I enable her or encourage her to pursue her goal of spending a year heating to her heart’s content, while making sure that her weight didn’t exceed 400 and that she continued to maintain her fitness as she gained weight.

Again, let me note that in no situation.. at any weight would I ever consider a relationship in which I would force anyone to do anything(and that would of course include forcing someone to eat more than they want or any amount or anything they don’t want), even if the impetus for the forcing came from the woman(who might urge me to force her to get fat or to eat more than she’d ever eaten, etc.). I would find that kind of behavior, which in some ways is similar to the mind games of D/s(Domination and submission) repugnant to me. This doesn’t mean in the least that I don’t enjoy mind games or exploring boundaries, but to take this sort of mental exercise into the real world by forcing another person to eat or do anything is just not consistent with my internal makeup.

Anyhow… in the second situation, if the woman was a Foodee, but not a Foodie, I’d probably not be at all interested in participating in that sort of activity. Perhaps that’s a function of my interest in food, and in particular my enjoyment of great food in ample quantities, but no enjoyment of ample quantities of mediocre or tasteless food. Encouraging or abetting someone to eat large quantities of whatever food is convenient, or cheap or fattening would seem to be nothing more than fattening a steer or hog for market. And, I don’t find that at all interesting, arousing or exciting to me in any way.

However, if the woman is primarily a Foodie, but also secondarily a Foodee, I suspect with proper planning and monitoring and an exit strategy I might involve myself in such a project as a part of a loving relationship. The mechanics of how this would work out might be part of the relationship, both partners establishing parameters, planning activities, monitoring the weight gain to make sure that the experience is not so rapid as to be inherently unhealthy(putting aside the question of whether gaining any weight is unhealthy—and assuming from the setup that the woman knows that at 400 pounds she is healthy and sufficiently mobile for her needs), involving myself in the exercise component of the plan to assure that fitness goes hand in hand with the increased fatness, and modifying the behavior prior to reaching the “goal” so that her weight doesn’t overshoot the maximum set weight. I could definitely enjoy getting into the selection of food, preparation of gourmet meals, dining out at appropriate restaurants and generally sharing the joy of the eating within these well thought out and planned limits.

Having said that, I suspect that I would get less pleasure out of this sort of a relationship in the real world than one where the woman was at her target weight, and had adjusted her eating and exercise to an equilibrium state which could be sustained indefinitely. While the thought of a woman gaining weight is in some way arousing, I would find the woman at her larger size, healthy and fit much more sexy and arousing.

Not surprisingly, to me this is proving much more difficult than I thought.

A third situation.

A woman who weighs 150 pounds decides that she wants to get fat and wants me to help her grow to 300, 400 or 500 pounds, my choice. She wants me to help her do this as fast as possible because she’s always wanted to be fat and can’t wait.

My response… run like hell. In my view this a person who is a Feedee and not a Foodee or a Foodie. This is a person for whom the only currency is weight and she wants as much of it as she can get and doesn’t care how she gets it. While I know that many of the “Feeders” on the Internet would consider such a person the ideal for them, this person is of no interest to me.

So why? Several reasons. One, this type of behavior is inherently unhealthy. Gaining as rapidly as possible to achieve a number on a scale is totally arbitrary. Tying it back to a FA’s interest in numbers and the BBW’s suspicion that the FA is more interested in the BBW’s numbers than her, here, the woman isn’t interested in how her body will look, feel or behave, but in the single number(weight) that is her goal. I consider this sort of fixation on a number to be as repulsive as the FA’s focus on a woman’s numbers apart from a way to comprehend and appreciate the woman’s body and shape more completely. Two, for me so much of the pleasure about eating is tied into the quality and enjoyment of the eating. For me the weight is an effect of the eating of delicious, succulent, mouth-watering food(the cause). For such a woman the weight is the effect of her desire to gain weight. This seems to me to be an inadequate reason. Others will certainly have their views, but this certainly doesn’t float my boat. Three, the thought that this woman wants to cede control over the way her body will be changing and the size it will become to me or anyone else but her suggests real psychological problems. I don’t want to be the one playing God with anyone else’s body. And, I certainly don’t want to find out what other personal decisions and goals this person wants to dump on me. I suppose I could think of other reasons… but suffice it to say that reason four is it feels really icky.

Okay, on rereading this prior to publishing I thought of a few more. Reason five is that I probably wouldn’t find the woman attractive at 150 pounds(in a physical sense) and the thought that I would be gambling that a woman’s physical charms would only be interesting to me if she doubles or triples her weight sounds awfully stupid. What leads me to believe that she can or will gain the weight she says. Why focus on a woman who is far skinnier than I would normally find attractive when there are so many women of size already out there. What leads me to believe that I will find this woman attractive as she grows fatter. In any event it just seems apart from all the other reasons awfully stupid to gamble that a woman will gain weight and become more physically beautiful in my eyes when I can select a woman who is already a version of beauty and personality I enjoy right now. Almost like being given the choice between a thousand dollar in chips or a million dollar in chips at a casino when your goal is to leave with a million dollars. With the million dollars of chips (the existing SSBBW of my dreams) I have a sure thing. With the thousand dollar in chips (the skinny girl) I have to gamble that a whole series of bets will have to go my way in a row to reach the same result that is a sure thing with the million dollar in chips. The only reason that you would want to do the thousand dollars in chips is if you’re really more interested in the process(the feeding and fattening process), than in the result, and you’re a gambler who gets off on the risk of failure.

Fourth situation.

A SSBBW with whom I have a loving relationship enjoys having feeding weekends in which she wishes to be pampered and fed as part of a sensual, sexual and food oriented experience, including being fed to the point where she absolutely can’t eat a bite more. These weekends are special events and between them, any weight gained during these special interludes is lost, and fitness is maintained.

This sort of situation would turn me on greatly. It would satisfy any fantasy weight gain and feeding desires without bringing the countervailing distaste for anything which would harm someone I care for. It would allow a real world gaining experience with a woman I already find incredibly beautiful and abundant. And, this situation could be repeated over and over again, enjoying the moments without the additional baggage that immobility or uncomfortable weight gain would bring.

Someone commented to me that she found my tripartite grouping of Feedee, Foodee and Foodie to be variable within her at different times. Perhaps, like adjusting the three colors on a TV picture to vary the picture, the proportions of each of the three F****E’s varies depending on mood and time. I think that may be so, though I’m not convinced that’s necessarily true. But I had a different thought, and that was that my interest in a fat woman may be related to the proportion of these three F****E quantities within a fat woman. I can’t begin to imagine that I have a single ideal, because of course my feelings for a woman are so much more involved and complicated, and these aspects are merely a small component of what would attract me to a woman. Having said that I would imagine that the Foodie component would need to be a very strong component, the Foodee component would need to be more than zero and along a range, but not so great that it would be not subject to control if other issues, such as health and mobility required it. The Feedee component would not be zero, but quite small, like a spice, which could add a sense of sizzle or play or excitement to a relationship, but not so significant that it would overwhelm the greater enjoyment of the quality of the food or the eating experience.

So, what have I discovered. Let’s call them my guidelines of Feeding for me.

1. No forcing. This means no forcing physically, psychologically or any other means of imposing my will or desires onto another, whether they want to be forced or not.

2. No behavior which would encourage or even enable immobility.

3. The woman must have some components of being a Foodie, Foodee and Feedee, with the components as listed in decreasing order, and the Foodie component by far the biggest and the Feedee component being by far the smallest.

4. I enjoy food as a component in a sexually stimulating situation, though I don't believe that it would be the key or only element in a loving, caring relationship. It would be one component of the relationship which would need to bring mutual satisfaction.

4. Weight gain, while an interesting and potentially arousing event is more interesting in fantasy or limited real world situations than in an uncontrolled or uncontrollable long term situation. While I understand the attraction to weight gain and in a perfect controllable world would be interested in pursuing it under appropriate circumstances, I just don’t have much confidence in the ability to control it and find the fear of imminent immobility removes much of the real world attraction. I understand there are those who are less risk averse who are willing to come closer to a line of no return than I, but have to be consistent with my own comfort levels.

5. SSBBW’s who are comfortable at their current weights and are cognizant of signals that their bodies are sending them about their mobility, comfort and health are much sexier and attractive to me than women of any size who are more interested in growing their bodies than in enjoying the bodies they currently have in as healthful and exuberant way possible.

So, the final question. Am I a Feeder? What do you think?

Feeder

Feeder

This simple six letter word is more highly charged than any other in the FA/BBW world. Its meaning, its implications, its very existence are awash in strong emotional responses and laden with heavy baggage. I wanted to deal with this word and issue early on in this blog’s development, but didn’t feel confident enough of my voice or grounded enough to attempt it. Some have asked me whether I’m a feeder, whether I’m in favor of feeding, against it, would consider imposing the death penalty for feeders and a variety of other questions along the spectrum. But, as is my wont, I will initially punt(or tease out the suspense, depending on your perspective), by not attempting to answer questions about me or my predilections or views on others until I’ve developed a construct within which to talk about feeding and the related terms…. Feeder, Feedee, Foodee, Foodie etc. Perhaps more words will suggest themselves as these terms are rather monolithic and in my view are currently used rather inexactly with a broad brush to cover a range of different behaviors, actors and philosophies.

Well then, having told you what I’m not going to talk about, let’s get down to brass tacks.

What is a Feeder. The simplest answer would be the ones in the dictionary. It can be someone who provides food, the person or creature eating food, a mechanism for providing food, a portion of a river or stream leading into another river or stream or several other definitions including sources of electrical power, etc. However, in the FA/BBW world its meaning is much narrower. It refers to a person who engages in behavior which results in another person, or perhaps themselves, eating food, generally, but not necessarily in large quantity.

The classic Feeder in most people’s view is a man who encourages, forces or merely abets a woman in eating increasingly large amounts of food until she becomes so fat that she is immobilized, unable to move around, move out of a bed and is completely helpless and in the total control of the feeder who is the source of her ever increasing food requirements and any life functions normally handled by the person themselves, but which are no longer possible at the fattened person’s size. Of course the reversed gender approach is the same, with the woman being the feeder and the man being the fattened one. Not to be limiting, the two same sex relationships are also encompassed by the feeder and fattened pairing. In some cases, more of a Queen Bee situation could exist where a cadre of worker Feeders fatten a single individual. So, even trying to stretch the term to cover the different actors in the "classic" situation stretches the term pretty thinly.

But, even the classic case is much more complex than it seems and includes a number of conceptually different elements in the mix. To start, the question of the relationship between the Feeder and the fattened person can be looked at from a few ways. Is the Feeder in feeding the person being fattened doing something that the fattened person would do on their own in the absence of a Feeder? Is the Feeder taking the lead in the activity or passively following the instructions of the person being fattened? Is there a mutuality of being fattened between the two or more partners. In other words are each of two people both being a Feeder for the other person and the person being fattened by the other person. Is the Feeder’s activity a component of a loving relationship, the sole purpose of the relationship, an adjunct to improve the sexual relations in a loving relationship, a tool to allow one or the other or both of the partners to be stimulated. Is the Feeder’s activity a way to assert control over the person who is being fattened and unrelated to any sexual component or attraction. Is force involved? Is there a dominant and submissive member to the pair(usually it seems that the person being fattened is the submissive person, but again, not necessarily) or an egalitarian approach with a joint mission to fatten one or both of the people. Is there a goal involved in the fattening process, which could be defined either by a weight, a body dimension, degree of immobility or quantity of food which could be consumed. Is the fattening activity a continuous one or a cycling one in which the same number of pounds are gained and then lost so they can be gained again without exceeding some notional maximum weight? Is it an occasional event which takes the pleasure only in the process, but not the result, with no significant long term gain taking place, but the Feeder and fattened roles being donned for the evening or weekend and then put aside without any real change in the fattened person’s size, shape or mobility. Is the purpose of the fattening only to achieve a blissful state associated with eating more than the fattened person believes they can eat so that the fullness or overfullness serves a sexual purpose.

Whew!!! I bet there are more permutations and combinations, but for a ten minute brainstorming session resulting in a explosion of words that seems to do the job of showing that there are a very broad variety of types of feeding relationships there can be, without claiming any completeness or comprehensiveness. So Feeder is at best an umbrella term covering each of the above situations, and more. Many of these relationships make many people understandably very upset, nervous and fearful of dealing with someone who would be identified or identify themselves as a Feeder.

To add a further twist to this mix there are real world Feeders and those who are only fantasy Feeders, not really interested or able to deal with the person being fattened in the real world… and only interested in their fantasy of what the fattened person will be like and how they will act. Many of these fantasy Feeders are found on the internet, often talking knowledgeably(or at least apparently so) about feeding, experiences they’ve had in the past, plans for the future and plans for current targets of interest. Some folks who have a genuine interest in entering a Feeder relationship have expressed the regret that many of the people that they meet on the Internet appear sincere and legitimate in their interest in participating as a Feeder in a real world situation but then bail out or disappear when its time to convert the Internet relationship to a real world one. Perhaps it’s just a subset of the general reluctance of many people to take Internet romances into the real world, but it seems that there is a higher percentage of evaporating Internet feeders than general evaporating Internet romancers.

So, how do I go on. Well, I need to create a reliable objective non-emotional nomenclature for some of the major approaches and participants under the feeder umbrella. Without the words to distinguish among the different types of activity and relationships, broad positive or negative views on feeders and the related folks are essentially useless.

Perhaps you’ve noticed that I’ve referred not to a Feedee or Foodie or Feedie when talking about who does the eating… but the person being fattened(I thought of using the acronym PBF but that just reminded me of a peanut butter and fluff sandwich.. so I won’t use it). These other words are as sodden with baggage as the Feeder term is, so I’ve tried to not use any of them yet. But lets look at Feedee first. I distinguish this from Foodee and Foodie. I will use Feedee as a person who has elected to eat for reasons other than sustenance or enjoyment of the food or enjoyment of the act of eating. This would encompass people who want to be forced to eat, people who want to be encouraged to eat, people who eat because they want to gain weight, people who eat because they enjoy in some fashion the fact that they are eating more than they need to eat to maintain themselves(whether a predilection, preference or fetish), and people who like to don the eating more mode of action at specified times(like on a particular night, or weekend or vacation week). A Foodee is what I will call someone who eats food beyond what is necessary for sustenance because they love the act of eating or, the act of eating more than necessary is enjoyable, arousing or essential to satisfy some internal need. A Foodie for me is someone who has an interest in the quality of the food they eat. Some might call the Foodie a gourmet and the Foodee the gourmand who is more interested in the quantity of the food.

What makes these terms so interesting is that they are not mutually exclusive. A Feedee may also be a Foodee and a Foodie. But, its not necessary that a person have more than one of the titles. All the eight possible permutations of (Feedee/Not-Feedee, Foodee/Not-Foodee, Foodie/Not-Foodie) exist and are clearly represented in the FA/BBW community. The most interesting combination is the fat person who is not a Feedee, Foodee, nor Foodie. These people through either a weird dice roll of the genetic factor, a screwed up set point due to dieting or some other factor have gotten fat, but don’t seem to be interested in eating much, don’t really care about the act of eating and don’t get excited by the food they eat. I suspect they find the FA/BBW community rather odd and intrusive. And of course, most don’t believe them when they say that they really don’t eat much.

I suspect that this wonderful tripartite approach to eating is not perfect because many folks don’t really fit into these categories exactly and tend to change in and out of these categories. But, I think it at least allows us to pause and consider our relationship with food. Naturally, there are people with what society calls eating disorders who work to resist their body’s call and then overreact in ways which are dangerous to themselves either by bulimia, anorexia or nonstop gluttony. But we’ll put the first two away from discussion completely, and the third we’ll approach as we go through the types of relationships.

As a simple exercise, its now clearer that a Feeder’s relationship with a Feedee(whether a foodee or foodie too or not) would be different than a Feeder’s relationship with someone not a Feedee. The end results might look the same, but the nature of the relationship and the motivations and dynamic within the relationship would be quite different. However, a Feeder looking for a relationship in which the essential element is that the other person gain weight could likely select someone who is either a Feedee or Foodee or both and achieve a similar result. However, the Feedee would require different motivation and interaction from the Feeder than a Foodee where it is the love of food that drives the Foodee and perhaps not the weight gain(although that would likely follow).

Well, I think I want to stop here and catch my breath. As I reread what I’ve typed I see that I haven’t covered much ground and haven’t expressed any of my views in connection with Feeders, Feedees, Foodees or Foodies or the relationships they have or the ones that are attractive and interesting to me. I've tried not to attach emotional tags to any of the words as of yet. Please don't think I am cold and impassionate, but I find this area so wrought with the strongest of emotions, that I need to approach it with care, consideration and serious efforts at rational analysis.

But, I think I’ll leave it at that for now having left now at least a vocabulary to talk about these concepts and highlighting how many different behaviors and relationships can come within the umbrella concept of Feeder.

I definitely am interested in any readers comments about their thoughts about my definitions and their thoughts on the subject. Have no fear that I will express my thoughts, about which I’ve pondered long and hard(no that wasn’t intended as a bad pun), and which I think I may be able to express with some effort.

A Sighting, Revisited

A different type of a sighting.

Riding my commuter rail home last Friday afternoon, unusually early for me, as I was nearing my station, which was the first one on an express train. As I swung around to get my coat off the overhead rack, I noticed what seemed to be a very round face wedged into a slightly smaller row of seats by the door; one row behind and across the aisle from where I was now standing. But what struck my eye was the cover of the softcover trade size book she was reading, it looked like... perhaps... but I couldn’t be sure, so I asked the woman sitting on the aisle of my row to let me out of the seat early... and get a better look... and yes... it was... FATSO!, Marilyn Wann’s wonderful fat liberation and affirmation book.

So, as I got closer I said in a relatively loud(so it was clear I was speaking to her… since most strangers don’t talk to other strangers on the train.. its some sort of cultural imperative I suppose), but non-threatening voice… “Wow, that’s a really great book”. She looked up, looked back at her book and then at me when I said… “Oh, Marilyn Wann is wonderful. Wacky, but wonderful. And, so right about many of the things she writes about. And I know her and she’s also a wonderful person, wild and able to attract attention by carefully calculated outrageous acts, but so grounded.”

While I took a breath and the young lady tried to take this all in, my eyes did their FA best to gather all the relevant cute fat girl data. This was a young woman, probably in her early 20s, well groomed with a mass of dark unruly hair, a bosom hidden by the book that she was eyeing now with unnatural attention(since it had somehow caused this big older fellow to talk to her on the train in a fashion about this book regarding fat people in a loud clear voice that everyone around could hear), and a magnificently large and round belly in a pair of black jeans which displayed, for those interested in looking, a very broad curved belly filling her lap and the area between her and the back of the seat in front of her quite fully. My look didn’t get below the belly to the hips or legs.

She recovered to say that her aunt had bought her a Lara Frater book and she’d just gone from there to one book and another. Clearly Marilyn’s book, which if you haven’t read it you must, was more of an eye opener than the earlier stuff. She looked a bit flushed and flustered. At that point the train slowed to a stop at my station and the doors opened.

With one more turn of the head I said, “Have a great time with the book, and keep your eyes out for the guys who think you are beautiful, we’re out there.” .. and off the train onto the platform I moved, without looking back. The odds are I’ll never see her again, or if I do it will be quite some time till then, as I don’t ever recall having taken that early train before, and can’t see it happening in the near future. But, I wonder if my sighting will have a positive effect.

On the Horns of a Dilemma

On the Horns of a Dilemma


I was gearing up to write a brief comment responding to a very nice FA’s comment responding to my The Sighting post. And, as can often happen to me, my responsive Comment took on a life of its own. So now I was looking at it and trying to figure out if I should post it as a comment or, perhaps as a separate, new spanking Blog entry. I don’t feel obligated to post on any schedule, so it wasn’t as if I needed a Wednesday post. So I reread the comment and thought… hmmm it seems to be partially in response to the comment and partially a generalized collection of thoughts. What to do?

Well, I punted and went back to work, hoping that the next time I looked at it all would be clear. So, several hours later I looked at it again and… you knew it… still the same problem, though I fiddled with it a bit more and now there was more stuff not directly commenting on the comment. Since Plan B was a flop I went to Plan C, which was to ask a chat buddy what they suggested. That lovely response was.. could go either way, why not flip a coin. At which point I realized that this brilliant reply was the answer to my problem. Of course my chat buddy had no idea what I was talking about until I explained it, but it was her idea.

The answer-- to try and deal with the question of the difference between a post and a comment on the blog and then provide the post/comment and ask the readers of the blog which they would have preferred. As I said… the solution was pure genius, because now the hybrid post/comment when appended to the discussion about whether to be a post or a comment had clearly become only suitable as a post. I wish I had thought of it myself, but since I’m not one of those folks who rejects an idea because it wasn’t invented here, I happily stole the idea and used it. What good is an idea if it’s not put to use. And anyway, for you ethical purists, I got permission to use the idea.

So, what’s the difference between a blog entry and a comment? I looked at it from two perspectives, the blogger and bloggee(nah.. too stupid sounding.. I’ll call y’all readers). From the blogger’s perspective it really makes no difference. I know where it is and if I want to reread it I can easily find it. From the reader side I had to think more deeply, and since I had already stolen one idea, consulted with the comment/post sage for her thoughts on how she goes about reading blogs. When I read someone else’s Blog I generally read the posts, but only occasionally go in and read the comments. If it’s a blog I really enjoy and post comments on, I always follow the backwater discussions which go on between the commenters and the blogger in the comments. Another element is the timeliness of the comment. If the comment is directed to the current post I’m more likely to read the comment than if the comment is added after there are one or more other blog entries more recent than the one being commented on. Finally, if I post a comment I follow up to see if there’s been a response. So a post is read by the widest group of readers, a current comment by a smaller group and a comment related to an older post the smallest group and likely just the blogger if he/she/it are moderating comments and the commenter.

So, the way I thunk it was that if my response was solely to a commenter and more of the same thing included in the original post, definitely a comment. If you check you’ll notice that I have often commented on people’s comments. But, if something that the commenter triggered, either because of their incisiveness or because of some knee jerk response by me, sounds like it would be of general interest(boy what a huge assumption that would be.. but it won’t stop me you can be sure), I’ll deal with it as a new blog entry.

I think that a number of you who read the blog have your own, I know of at least three. I assume that most of you read at least one other blog. I’m curious what your take on the distinction should be.

Just so you know I even thought at one point the distinction should be if it met the lofty standards established for the blog in composition, exposition, grammar, style and finesse. Of course even I realized that was total BS and ditched that one tout-suite.

Having put it off for long enough… on with what was the post/comment and is now part 2 of this blog entry.


Dear Anonymous 3, Hooray, you're the first male commenter on The Sighting post. I call you Anonymous 3 because there were two previous Anonymous commenters. I enabled the Anonymous feature because some folks told me that they didn’t want to signup to get a name, officially, and thus couldn’t comment. And, I can live with that since I really do want to get as many thoughtful comments as possible. But, I would ask that you sign your comment if you feel able to do so with some identifying term so when I respond I can personalize the response. Such as FADude or VoluptuousBBW, or Throatwarbler Mangrove(pronounced Luxury Yacht).

I assumed, but we all know how assuming is a mistake, that The Sighting post would strike a chord in any male readers since every FA I've ever met, and I've met a bunch at Naafa events and other size acceptance venues has either confessed or proudly shared some sighting or ten. Like fisherman sitting around the fire telling about the whoppers that they caught and the even bigger ones that got away, no group of self respecting FA's can be together for very long without reminiscing about sightings of particular distinction or type. Like a joke telling session where everyone tells a “why did the chicken cross the road” joke, or a bar joke(a horse walked into a bar and the bartender asked.. why do you have such a long face)or a pope joke, FA’s always seem to like to share some sighting or another.

Some of those sessions relate to sharing sightings based on size, significant body parts, types of clothing or to amusing or exciting events related to a sighting, like a belly or breast shaking free of its restraining clothing. While I wasn’t actually looking to get a salacious collection of old sighting chestnuts (not that I don’t enjoy hearing others’ sightings and yours were quite pleasant), I find your collection interesting for various reasons beyond the actual sightings(though I could retell sightings I have on a subway, at a school at a young age or at fast food restaurants).

So, I was beginning to wonder if all the readers (gee no idea how many that would be beyond the few folks who’ve commented), were BBW’s and SSBBW’s and no men or even fellow BHM’s. Yes, I am a BHM.

In any event.. back to my response to Anonymous 3(or A3 as I might call him in casual conversation).

First, your earliest sighting of the three (and not the other 999.5 pages of them), dates back to the sixth grade when you were probably about 12 and thus in the first full blush of hormonal activity. I wonder how long it took you to understand your FA’ness and if and when you finally came out of the closet to those around you and surmounted the peer pressure that kept you away from that BBGirl. In the full fairness of disclosure. I recall two fat girls in my grade as we went through elementary school and being effected by their appearance back probably to the third or fourth grade. I wouldn’t say that I was attracted to them at the time, no boy was, but in some way their presence and size was strangely fascinating and unsettling.

The other two sightings you shared (of the at least affianced BBW on the subway and the DQ girls), suggests that women of that size, between 220 and 280 pounds, are of interest to you or at least to your nonverbal being. If I were to pick three to share I’m sure that at least one of them would be of a woman who was much, much heavier, probably over 400 or 500 pounds. So I thought to myself, “Self”(Shameless theft from Emeril) we should ask this fella some questions. Not to put you on the spot, but more as an open question to the bigger group… Are you currently with a SO or dating, and if so, how big is that woman or those women. What is the smallest and the largest woman you’ve dated since becoming an adult, and how comfortable were you with the largest woman’s size in public and with your friends and family? Are you an OTC FA(out of the closet FA for those of you who didn’t read the earlier posts), or still hiding somewhat in the closet and not coming out to your family and friends?

And, since I’m on such a roll of questions to the nice chap who wandered in and shared this wonderful comment, what’s the one single sighting that was the most significantly sexually arousing for you, with as much detail as you can muster and is the woman or women in that sighting the type of women you want to be with in real life.

And then… that’s it for the new Post.