Slut

Slut


This post follows from a very interesting comment, following up the thread about hogging. The comment moved beyond the "hogging", to focus more on the nature of relationships and where sex fits into the relationships.

As a practical matter, my view is that sex in a relationship belongs at the point at which both partners want it. In some cases that might take years(groaning at the thought of that), in others it will happen on the first date. I don't see this as a value laden result. Some people want to have sex sooner with new partners than others. Some folks are only looking for a sexual relationship and not an emotional, friendship based or long term relationship. If that's what they want, either because they love sex or feel the need urgently for sex, or some other motivation, and their partner is on the same page that's fine.

I find the term slut to be socially degrading term which is very loaded with gender based differentiation. It is a highly charged word, much like cunt, bitch and similar male dominant terms intended to demean and disparage women.

As many have pointed out before me, if a woman sleeps with a succession of different men she is a slut. If a man sleeps with a succession of different women he is a stud, player, bon vivant and idol to many men. Is there any value judgment difference between the serial sexual encounters by a man and a woman? I don't think so. I've met many people who've expressed that their sexual engines require sex at very different frequencies. Some folks are more than satisfied with sex on a monthly or bi-weekly basis. Others require it on an almost daily basis, and still others are totally dissatisfied without several sexual encounters each day. I don't know whether those at either end are suffering from some condition which can or should be remedied, though I really don't care as long as they are satisfied with their situations and have partners who are similarly satisfied.

I've met a number of people who are wonderful people but for whom sex has no part in their lives, and they seem not to miss it. For me this would be an exceptionally painful and empty existence, but they seem to fill their lives with other things which they say replace any interest they have in sex. Whether these folks are lying to me or to themselves I don't know. But, I suspect there are many, many people for whom sex is a much less central part of their beings than it is for me. For others, the urges to have sex grow with abstinence to the point where they crave a sexual event to obtain some sense of release. In many of these folks when the urge reaches a certain level they shift their orientation about relationships somewhat to enhance the possibilities of having sex. Not sure if this would be called compromising values, changing standards or going out with the intention of getting laid. But, this is clearly a common experience, at least it was from the guy side(when I was in college... and as far as I've been able to tell for guys well beyond college). My experience from the girl side is considerably less extensive and much more anecdotal. However, having spoken with enough friends who are women, who have opened up to me about their sexual urges and activities, I know that this intense need for sex is physically imprinted on many women too. I have no way of quantifying this urge or the resultant behavior, but would assume that it probably doesn't vary that much from what I know in a more personal way from the guy side.

So, if we assume that men and women both have their sexual needs distributed on a normal curve, like so many other characteristics, like height, weight, head size, shoe size, etc... then there will be people spread out along the spectrum of sexual needs(which tend to get stronger by celibacy.. particularly unintended celibacy), with differing needs to "get laid".

Into this breach our Judeo-Christian, Islamic, and other modern religious heritages have projected a required marital bonding as a precondition to sexual intercourse. The rationales behind these religious requirements are understandable if not rational or appropriate. One need only look at a married couple in which the partners have no real feelings for each other in a sexual sense and are then locked to only each other, effectively killing both of their sexual exploits apart from intercourse required for intended procreation.

Built up on top of these religious restrictions are a series of moral values and heavily laden terms which seek to restrict people to the religiously restricted sexual activities and to ostracize, humiliate and demean those whose activities are inconsistent with the religious rules. Slut is just such a term. It's dictionary definition means a promiscuous person or one whose personal appearance is untidy. The definition is gender neutral, but I have never seen the term applied to men except in the rarest of cases.

In practice a slut is a woman who sleeps around with many men, a woman of questionable morals relating to sex, a woman who dresses in a fashion that suggests that she either sleeps with many men or is of questionable moral character. I find this term completely offensive, since the guy version of someone who sleeps with many women would include a Don Juan, Casanova or Stud which are terms of admiration rather than opprobrium. A guy who dresses in a fashion intended to display his sexuality and body in a fashion which would be attractive to women is considered very positively by most. On the other hand, a woman who dresses provocatively is often called a slut, presuming that the suggestive dress corresponds with a looseness of morals and sexual control.

I wonder if the current climate with AIDS and other STDs has affected the positive connotations of the guy-slut and leveled the playing field. For some reason I wouldn't feel quite as negatively about the term if it was applied to both men and women equally. I would still find it offensive, just not as awful.

Perhaps the thing about the term slut that I find most offensive is the way it is applied by people who generally don't know whether the woman in question is actually promiscuous or not. Guys have a way of telling their friends things in a way which makes them seem more important and studly then may be the fact. This is even more true when sexual performance and partners are involved. In my experience the guys who talk about their conquests are likely lying about much or all of what they claim to have done. Those guys who have a full, rich, sexually charged relationship built on trust and strong emotional content don't need the positive reinforcement of their male friends that what they're enjoying sexually is a good thing. They know it in every fiber of their being and want to do whatever possible to maintain, sustain and grow that relationship. Telling a bunch of horny guy friends about the wonderful sex you had on the bed, kitchen table, couch, floor, in the pool and hot tub, in the car or wherever it took place is a sure fire way to make your partner the subject of snide comments, bad labels(like, but not limited to slut) and other guys hitting on them in an effort to get the same amazing sex you've described to them. Those guys I've known who've had a good thing going will go to any lengths to not talk about their sex lives apart from occasional amusing incidents at their own expense.

In my own distant past I was exposed to a woman with a very high level of sexual need, and she was probably as close to the classic nymphomaniac as I'll ever come. Thankfully, my body was at the peak of its physical sexual powers(though not skills) and allowed me to keep up with her for some time, until eventually I began to resent the need to perform every morning, noon and night. Looking back on that period through the filter of stretches of no sex I wonder how I could ever have felt that way. But, I know that I was constantly tired, and when I absolutely needed some rest(sleeping in my bed or hers was only restful after an hour or more of sex) I would head up to the library, find a carrel deep in the bowels of the stacks and sleep there. While this gal was my ideal partner prior to meeting her, after a few months the fantasy was replaced by a physical reality that very different. To be fair, that semester was one I made Dean's List and had my highest GPA by far. After we broke up I lost touch with her, but I never have referred to her as a slut and couldn't imagine ever doing so. During the time we were together we were committed to each other deeply(not that I had much energy to find or woo anyone else even if I had wanted to). During that time about the most I shared with my roommates was that I was extraordinarily tired and occasionally to lie for me when I was going to sleep to tell her if she called that I was at the library or some school event. They were able to draw their own conclusions from the sounds coming through the walls, but they were my close friends and didn't talk out of school to others.

Why did I give this elliptical story which probably doesn't put me in a very good light? Good question. Not really sure, but it seemed important to show that just having a lot of sex does not make one a "slut". That having a LOT of sex may not be the most desirable thing. That a man and a woman who have a lot of sex with each other are not slutty. That people who are getting intense sexual satisfaction are unlikely to brag about it or tell others how wonderful they have it. Why talk about something that you know you have which might disappear if you talk about it to others because it hurts your partner and your relationship.

Nah.. its probably me just bragging... after the fact.

But, an important point if you go back and reread my description is that there was no description of anyone else talking about my partner as a bad woman, a sex maniac, a slut or any other such derogatory term. She was my girlfriend and we did a variety of things in public in addition to the private activities. As a part of a caring full relationship, the sexual gymnastics were only one element of the relationship, albeit a very important and time and energy consuming one. To this day none of my friends who knew this woman through me have ever made a negative comment about her.

Perhaps the answer is that because I did not treat her or consider her a slut I did not allow, abet or enable anyone who knew me from treating, considering or calling her a slut.

In the comment that set me off on this elliptical orbit there was a statement that some guy had told the commenter that a girl having a one night stand isn't a slut, but a girl having ten guys in one night is a slut. Of course this definition was provided by a guy looking for a one night stand... and thus not a reliable source of a definition. In my experience women and men who are truly acting in a "slutty" manner are not defined by the number and frequency of their sexual activities with different partners. Rather, it is the way in which they treat others or allow themselves to be treated by others.

In college I knew a girl who enjoyed having sex with many guys in one night. I never had sex with her and we weren't sexually attracted, though we were good friends in a group of guys and girls who would hang out, go drinking, dancing, etc. on a regular basis. Much of the time this girl would have a single boyfriend and there was nothing weird about it to my knowledge. On occasions, however, she would entertain a visiting hockey team or baseball team, to my knowledge(second hand though fairly reliable) and have either oral sex or intercourse with as many as a dozen guys. While it was known generally in the campus about a girl like this, I don't think that more than a few actually knew who this girl was. To my knowledge no one ever called her a slut, and none of the multiple partners, who were all from colleges that were pretty far away, ever bragged about it on campus. Of course, the knowledge that she would have prodigious serial sex on occasion did have a profoundly odd impact on me. One, it suggested that she must be incredible sexually(though on getting older and wise I suspect that not necessarily to be the case). Two, I didn't want to be just one more notch on her bedpost, and compared with some of the most impressive physical specimens at various universities. Three, I didn't want to screw up our very friendly relationship with the weirdness that a sexual relationship would wreak on it.

Again, not clear what this has to do with the main thrust of this post. I suspect that I included it to give my bona fides as to the extremes of sexual conduct and the way in which actual sexual promiscuity may not be directly related to whether a woman is called a slut.

I also knew women who wouldn't put out, both because they wouldn't do so for me and for other guys I knew, or because I became their non-sexual friends and they would confide to me, who were known as sluts. Most of them really despised the reputations they'd gotten, though I suspect that most earned it for being cock-teases(women who would attract a man with attention and the suggestions that they would get sex and then leave them unsatisfied). I imagine the guys opted to call the woman a slut to get even for the teasing. One gal in particular was known as Hoover for the ferocity and suction of her oral sex. I never witnessed her skills directly, and a friend who went out with her for some time said that the nickname was ill conceived and inappropriate, but she liked the concept of being known for giving amazing oral sex, even if it wasn't true. So, people's relationships with names that most would consider demeaning and very negative is not always rational.

Well, I've talked around Slut now for some time and I think I only have a few conclusions. The term is as a rational matter a negative, hurtful one which is inappropriate in almost every case. The term is even more reprehensible because it is applied unevenly to women and men, with men glorified for the same conduct that causes the women to be vilified. The term is generally applied in a hateful way by people who don't have any first hand knowledge of the woman, or if they do, in an effort to get even with them for some actual or perceived slight. And, the term should be shelved as being too emotionally charged with hate and disrespect to have any true meaning.

Hogging

Hogging

I was referred to a blog post about hogging and I read the blog post and was neither shocked, informed nor moved to raise my arms and scream foul. However, I was motivated to take up keyboard in hand(just not as poetic as taking up pen in hand), and chime in on the subject in general.

As an introduction to the subject for those of you who’ve never heard of it, hogging is a “game” played by guys, generally drinking or otherwise inebriated, in which the winner of the “game” is the guy who bags the fattest woman(i.e. the biggest hog) and can have sex with her that night and then dump her as quickly as possible. Needless to say, there is nothing socially redeeming or otherwise positive to say about this practice and I won’t add my own volcanic outflow deriding and this abhorrent behavior. If you don’t understand why this is a bad thing then you are in the wrong place when you’re reading this blog.

In thinking about this subject I, however, wonder about a number of issues. One, why it is focused on fat women. Two, why do fat women agree to participate in this activity(though I suppose they don’t know in most cases that they’re merely a prize, if only a booby prize, rather than the source of any affection or attraction). Three, whether there is any reason to be righteously indignant about this stupid and demeaning behavior.

The first point, why is it focused on fat women, is perhaps the easiest question to wrap one’s arms around. Fat people are the last safe group that can be picked on without any repercussions. We have no constituency and thus no political or social protection. The courts provide substantially zero protection under equal protection claims since we’re neither a racially suspect classification nor an identifiable minority or other historically discriminated against group or class. You might be saying that fat people have always been discriminated against.. and you’d be right. But, fat people have never banded together as a group, and thus we don’t have the protections granted to groups which are discriminated against, such as homosexuals, gypsies, Jews, etc. However, it’s unlikely that drunken menchildren will contemplate the nuances of the Constitutional Law associated with Equal Protection and Due Process under the 5th and 14th Amendments to the Constitution while working on their buzz.

A second reason why the targeting is focused on fat women, rather than tall women, short women, skinny women, dark women, light women, flat chested women, etc. is that fat women are generally looked down upon by many of the non-fat folks.. and even some other fat folks because they feel they can look down at the social status of the fat women in an effort to make themselves feel more important and powerful. Dumb, I know... but I suspect this is an important element of the discrimination and bad treatment that fat people in general and fat women specifically suffer through. Fat men tend not to be as negatively affected because fat men are often perceived as powerful despite or perhaps because of the weight they carry around. On the other hand, most fat women are seen as being somewhat more helpless and weak than their thinner sisters.

A third reason why the targeting is focused on fat women is that they are perceived as being easy and/or desperate for sex and thus an easy target for a one night conquest. As I understand the hogging approach, this is not a get laid at any cost or time approach. This is an effort to get laid within the buzz of the inebriation of the evening and to get out before morning. I know that this perception of fat women as easy and/or desperate is not true of many women, but it is true of enough that this sort of activity is enabled. My personal experience, over the years has taught me that there are many aggressively sexually forward fat women who are either desperate for sex or so highly sexed that they want to find a partner as soon as possible. I’ve encountered and turned down a number of such women over the years, even though I have known that with any encouragement at all I would have had sex with them. I wasn’t then, and am not now looking for a purely sexual relationship without a solid emotional and psychological attachment to the woman. The same can’t be said for me at other times in my life(much earlier) and some other men.

A fourth reason is, I believe the fact that there are many repressed FAs who in fact are really attracted to fat women, but refuse to allow themselves to accept that and will do anything to avoid others believing that they are attracted to fat women. These men get the best of both worlds for them… they have the sex with the women they’re wired to be aroused by, and they avoid the social pariah status of loving fat women that is feared by them by abandoning and ridiculing the women.

Each of these reasons and an overarching desire by men to get laid as often as possible, however and with whoever, drives many men and motivates this behavior.

So now we have a sense of why the guys do it. But it takes two to tango. How and why do the women get sucked in. I’m sure the answers are as many as all the women who participate knowingly or unknowingly(either subjectively or objectively). But, I think there are some themes and concepts that are applicable to a significant number of the women who succumb to the advances of the one night lotharios. One is a sense of low self esteem in the women which makes them accept any man who shows any positive interest in them and their bodies. A second is a sense that the women hope to attract the men who are wooing them, and believe that by offering him their bodies they will cause him to stay with them. A third is an enjoyment of being “popular” and doing whatever necessary to maintain this status. A fourth is a misguided sense that when drunken men profess their adoration and love for them that they’re being sincere. A fifth is a sense that the guy is “above their station” in some sense and thus a great catch who they need to do whatever possible to hold onto.

Whatever the reasons that the women participate in the hogging “game”, it is my understanding that in almost all cases the sex is fully consensual, even if the men are operating under false pretenses. To the extent that it is forced or obtained by getting the woman drunk, that’s rape and rape is not an acceptable form of behavior. But, if its truly consensual, why is it so bad?

The answer to that is that the women, in going with a guy on a one night stand are operating with very little information about the guy before they agree to have sex with him. In many cases the guys have been misleading about their intentions, their true feelings about the fat gal, and what they are looking for in the “relationship”. What makes the “hogging” so obnoxious and offensive is not the fact that they have consensual sex. Between consenting adults, sex is not a bad thing. What does make it a bad thing is when the guy then abandons the bed as quickly as possible to tell his friends about his Nantucket Sleigh Ride. It’s the opening to ridicule and humiliation and public scorn that is so worthy of opprobrium.

So, we come to the final question; is there is any reason to be righteously indignant about this stupid and demeaning behavior. The answer is yes, but not because the act of picking a fat woman to have sex with is bad. In fact I can’t think of something more attractive and wonderful, so long as it’s paired with a relationship from which the sexual activities flows. Also, to the extent that the sexual acts are consensual(and we could debate whether the sex is consensual if the woman doesn’t actually know what’s going on but should have been able to deduce it), neither partner and certainly not the woman, has the right to be upset with the other for going forward with the sexual act. But, clearly, the guys who go into this one night stand mode with no intention of having any continuing relationship are sleazeballs… but I don’t believe they are necessarily evil, since the woman willingly went into the sexual encounter. That the woman was lied to or allowed herself to believe a set of facts which weren’t the true facts about the man’s intentions, is sad, but not a reason for righteous indignation.

The only aspect of this hogging process that really upsets me is the way in which the sexual act is translated from a dance between two sweating bodies into a public test of virility and grossness intended for the general consumption of the man’s friends or colleagues as a source of humor at someone’s expense. The men who perform the sex act with the intention of making fun of what they’ve just done to their friends and abruptly leaving the woman as a part of the intentional infliction of humiliating treatment are to be considered scum of the earth. Having said that, we are surrounded by many folks with morals so low that they need to be lifted to prevent them from being soaked when one crosses a wet street. To the extent that fat people ever truly band together as brothers and sisters this sort of behavior will be quickly stamped out. To the extent that fat women enhance their sense of self esteem and worth they will never allow this sort of sexual predator to prey on them.

All one need do is tell the man that one doesn’t have sex on the first date, no matter what. If the guy is still around for the next date he may be for real. If he disappears when he realizes he’s not getting any sex that evening, good riddance and a good result is obtained.

I guess what I’m saying is that it’s not a matter of assigning fault that’s important, but restricting and terminating the boys behaving badly. The way to do this is within the control of the fat women. All they need to do is say no the first night and they’ll see if the guy was for real or merely a hogger. If the woman and man have a nascent relationship which is growing, the desire of the woman to wait before engaging in sex not only stops the hogger in his stride, but it also shows whether the man has a sensitivity to the woman’s feelings. Not every relationship blossoms, but certainly women can tilt the odds in their favor and avoid the the morally repugnant hogging practice if they want.

A Day in the Life… of an FA

A Day in the Life… of a FA

Today was another day in the life of an FA. Coming in on the train in the morning, waking up slowly getting a comfortable seat on the train, picking the aisle seat of a two seater so I could spread out with my bag next to me, no one likely to ask to sit between me and the window, watching the few regular BBWs who ride the train wander by on their way to their seats.

Getting off the train at Grand Central Station, and watching the passing humanity rushing off the train, the stream of hurrying humans on the platform merging into the terminal traffic.. the speedy folks, the leisurely group and the slow of gait either as a result of age, injury or size. My eye out for the ssbbw with the very busty figure who hurries so that she is at the pace of the less leisurely commuters, the sexy pear gal who always wears the skirts that show off her shifty shelf which sweeps up and down on each stride, the very bellyicious older woman who moves more slowly as each step jiggles her substantial belly apron.

In the main area of the Terminal, with people coming from at least 16 directions, the flow of people as I cross the double football field sized space is legion, often including large tour groups. It is a rare day indeed when that 45 second trip across the great open space doesn’t bring me in view of many bbws and ssbbws. Even though I often cross that space at almost precisely the same time each day it is indeed rare that I see the same people more than once.

As I make my way through the corridors of the terminal to the street, I pass hundreds more people walking either along with me, toward me or at an angle. Again there are more bbws and ssbbws of all sizes and shapes. With the weather warm, no one is wearing a coat and the sightings are easy.

For some reason I have finally started to notice an increase in fatter folks this year. Over the last few years there were still so many incredibly skinny people in Manhattan it was disconcerting. While there are still many, there seem to be ever more women who are sporting at least a few extra pounds. Fewer women with the dreaded non-touching legs, the spider legged misses who could walk over a two foot tall metal pipe in the sidewalk without touching it as their stick-like legs walk on either side of it.

On the sidewalks and crossing the streets to my office another stream of pedestrians passes before the FAs vigilant perusal of the moving masses. Without conscious effort the FA brain processes the flow of fatness, filtering out the anorexic, skinny and near skinny, registering the chubby, examining the bbws, closely focusing on the ssbbws and stopping dumbfounded at the truly unique and special fat women. It is pretty common to see more than a dozen ssbbws and many tens of bbws on my way from the train to my office. However, maybe once a week an amazing woman of such size and shape that the sighting is burned in my memory banks comes into view. Like a wild life photographer laying low in the brush when a pride of lions happens by, all the cameras are turned on and the resolution is increased to maximum.

At lunch time the process continues.. walking from the office to the lunch spot and back. Not surprisingly, many of the bigger woman seem to lunch at the deluxe high end lunch shop I frequent.

Finally, at the end of the day, the trek back to Grand Central completes the cycle. Interestingly, to me, in the morning people move more slowly than they do at night. I used to think this was odd as they were fresher in the morning and more tired at night. However, I believe the answer lies in their desire to head home after work and less motivation to come in and spend the day working in the morning.

I wonder if other FAs do the same. I know that my non FA male friends describe a similar sort of auto-pilot girl watching pattern, though of course they are filtering for a different target type. I wonder if women do the same thing, or at least those women who are turned on by some body or face types of men.

It strikes me as odd that I do this so proficiently and regularly, because it seems to really serve no useful purpose except my own pleasure. In fact I can be thinking about a work problem or sports situation or even romantic situation when the radar cuts in with a ssbbw warning and the eyes already directed at and focused in on some cute fat woman. Is this a creepy voyeurism or a normal pattern of male activity. Let me know what you think.

Today was a day with one of those really special sightings. One that will probably linger in the memory banks for quite some time. As I was rushing for a train, sort of a redundancy since I’m always rushing for a train, I noticed a tall black woman walking ahead of me in the same direction. Some subconscious filtering software in the FA brain focused my eyes on her. Her head, which was all I saw initially, was high, indicating she was about 5’9” or 5’10”, and she was moving relatively rapidly.

As I gained on her (as I said, I was rushing), I noticed that she had a very broad set of shoulders and quite thick arms. But then, a man who was walking behind her and shielding her from view moved out of blocking position and I almost came to a stop from surprise.

This woman had the largest, roundest butt I can recall seeing in a long time. It was extremely wide, but more than that it was also quite high and even deeper in depth extending back beyond the back of her rather huge legs a good foot or more. Surprisingly she didn’t have a shelf, but a well rounded butt that seemed to start about six inches above the spot I would think it would start.

As I pulled even with her, and stopped for a light to change at a corner, I noticed she was with two other black women.. one a ssbbw who probably weighed about 350 pounds but looked like a small child next to this enormous woman. The third woman was merely chubby, but looked like Twiggy next to the other two girls. The three women were chatting volubly and as I looked more closely at the enormous gal, noticed that she was wearing a stretchy pair of pants which highlighted the size and shape of her gargantuan derriere and the sequoia-like thighs and legs. It also outlined her belly which was moderately large and projected out about 6 inches, but relative to the rear end was very small.

Surprisingly, she and the other girls moved at close to the speed I was traveling and without any apparent problems. I’d estimate the women were about 20-25 years old. Looking critically at the big woman, as compared to her 350 pound friend I concluded that she must easily weigh well over 550 pounds and perhaps 600 pounds. Her thighs were surprisingly firm (though easily in the 45 or 50 inch circumference range), as was the derriere, no shaking and shimmying as she walked. I’d estimate that she was close to three feet from the tip of her butt to the front of her belly. For those of you who ask about the top end… not flat chested but clearly relatively petite bosom in comparison to her lower end. Her face, attractive, but not done up in a glamorous fashion.

And then, I crossed the street to head for Grand Central and they continued and soon disappeared from view, but not from memory.

Today I was on a different line of trains than usual and as I found a suitable car in the train I looked for a place to sit. Since there were already a number of people on the train an unoccupied two seater wasn’t an option, so I looked for the aisle seat on a three seater with a single person sitting by the window. I usually look for a big person, either tall or fat to share such a seat with, since my own bulk combined with that of the person on the window is likely to assure no one trying to squeeze between us. After traversing half the car and not finding anything suitable I saw a seat, though the person on the window was a skinny minny. As I moved toward that seat I noticed about 5 rows further a very blond and curly haired woman with a very round, chubby face. So… I moved on and plopped down next to her.. with her bag on the seat between us.

As I settled myself I noticed that she was a ssbbw with a delightfully round belly. She was sitting with her left foot(window side) up on the radiator running along the wall below the window(about ten inches off the floor) and this merely made more room for her substantial rounded belly to hang in front of her. I noticed that she was, apart from the very cathedral-like expanse of her rounded belly dome, a fairly midsized bbw. Her legs were thick but not particularly shapely, her arms mrerely chubby and her bosom present but accounted for with only moderate distinction. Her face was very chubby and cute and she had the very pale skin of a true blonde, with loads of Shirley Temple like curls.

While I guesstimate that she weighed about 325-350, the guess being even less reliable than most since I only saw her sitting in this fashion, what made her so interesting was not the size so much as the position she was sitting in. The position, with the one leg up, allowed her belly to hang freely from her front, particularly as she slithered back a bit, while still keeping up the left foot. For those of you who’ve ridden the commuter rails you know the ride is quite nice, but occasionally a bit bumpy in spots. Well, this was a particularly bumpy ride, and on each bump this lady's belly shaked and shimmied and moved disproportionately with the rest of her body. For the 35 minutes of my ride I chatted with her about the magazine she was reading and the cell phone rudeness surrounding us, and watched that magnificent belly exhibit the mystical pleasures of simple harmonic motion. High School Physics memories of the Teacher humming SHooMMMMMMM flooded back as I watched this living embodiment of the physics concept. I even wondered what her natural resonant frequency is which would cause that belly to vibrate violently and gain in intensity(think the Tacoma Narrows Bridge you ex-Physics students—I believe every Physics student has seen that short film of the bridge twisting and falling down, though not before the guy runs out on the twisting bridge to rescue his dog from the bridge’s fate in the waters.).

And then I left the train and as an FA it was an A+ sighting day.

When I started the blog I had in mind not to “lower myself” to just writing about sightings and see that in recent times I’ve done it on a few occasions. Each time there was something that I thought was significant about it which merited something beyond the ordinary, run of the mill sighting thing. This entry is, however, more about the process than the result, though I have lavished my usual attention on the details of the sightings.

I’ve gotten, when the guys have commented, a strong sense that they can’t get enough of the sightings. From the women I note more of a prevailing sense of creepiness. The sense that they’re pieces of meat on display for some oaf’s prurient single-handed pleasure. However, I believe with confirmation that most guys are the same in their purely visual evaluation of the local “talent”, but focusing on those women that they find physically attractive. One of my female colleagues once related a saying that her grandmother used all the time… “every pot has its cover”. By this she meant that for everyone, no matter what they look like, there is someone who finds them attractive.

I’m confident that guys looking at girls is not a bad thing. It is a bad thing if you’re a stalker or creep someone out by the way in which you look at them. If so many guys do it there must be some deep seated survival of the species reason for this.

I’d love to hear from both the women and the men about their thoughts on the process and how they feel about looking at girls(or men), how regularly they do it, and how they feel about being the person being ogled.

The Nooner

The Nooner

Lunch today was a quickly grabbed sandwich at a local shop which offers a wide variety of good stuff, both hot and cold, salads and pizzas. As I went in it seemed much more crowded than usual, but my FA eyes still did their unconscious scan for sign of BBW life.

Today was a surprise, since I so regularly frequent the place that I assumed I knew all the regulars. There, waiting for a sandwich were two gals worthy of a second or third look. The first was a gal with a piercing or two, including one in the eyebrow, which has always caused me to grimace. She was a fairly big girl, probably a ssbbw by most people’s standards, but without any definition or shape that attracted me, which caused my eyes to wander to the other gal.

The other gal had, on my first view from the rear, an enormous derriere shoe-horned into some extremely suffering jeans held up by a thick(probably 2 inch) leather belt with the word love formed at the back. This gal was clearly in the ssbbw category by almost anyone’s standards. It was apparent that as big as the jeans were the gal was bigger yet. A portion of her anatomy not easily divined, was it upper buttock or lower back, swelled tsunami like over that thick belt and the jeans’ top edge in an aggressive roll of blubber encased in a snug, but stretchy top tucked deep into the jeans(otherwise it would have clearly pulled out from the stress of supporting that roll).

Interested in observing more of her curvaceous charms I shifted my position slightly and was rewarded as she also turned slightly to talk with a third girl in her group(a very short and petite gal). As she turned into profile I was shocked to see the prodigal pulchritude of her portly paunch. Within those tortured jeans was a lower belly roll that stretched the jeans out a good six inches afore of her gargantuan thighs which on closer inspection had already begun to stretch the seam along the side of the pants leg encasing her voluminous thighs.

I can only imagine that this woman had owned those jeans from a time when they fit more traditionally and had, over time grown to stretch them to their current shape. The lower belly roll was amazingly wide, ending in a rounded bottom surface which literally stood out over the fronts of her capacious thighs. While this was awesome evidence of the strength of the denim fabric to hold together under the seemingly incredible forces on it to explode outward, the belly above the belt was even more amazing.

Remembering that her soft stretchy top was clearly tucked in to the back of the jeans, it was also tucked in at the front. As the lower belly projected out like a round prow of a proud vessel a good six inches beyond the thighs, the above the belt belly projected outward a good six inches beyond the belt. Unconstrained by the tight, strong denim of the pants the upper belly not only hung outward but also hung down onto the pant encased in the stretchy softness of her blouse as a supersized roll, which can only again be called most positively, blubbery. The upper roll’s thickness was easily a foot from its bottom to its top, with almost a foot of outwardly oriented projection. It spread across the vast width of her front, seemingly maintaining its shape and size all the away from one side to the other.

I always wonder why women of this size, or actually any size would squeeze their bodies into clothing so undermanned in its effort to adequately contain their curves. The wondering usually stops when the lower head kicks in and suggests the upper head get with it. Clearly this woman could easily have filled a pair of pants which had a waistline more than a foot larger than the ones she had on.

For the sake of completeness, the woman’s breasts were ample but not nearly as large proportionately as her lower end. Her face was that of a youngish, early 20’s Latina, attractive, but not gorgeous. I’d estimate that she weighed slightly less than 400 pounds on a 5’7” frame.

As I finally worked my way to the head of the line to pay for my lunch I noticed that she had headed for a pair of bar stools where one can eat by the window looking at the street. So, as I left the shop I had another view of her sitting on the bar stool, her pants screaming in agony at the tension on the seams, her rolls of back fat ringing her back. And, finally, as I turned right on exiting the door, a glance to my right found her attentively eating her lunch while her belly made the distance between plate and mouth a long and precipitious one. When sitting the belly and other rounded parts seemingly stretched the denim’s fabric into even more fantastic shapes and increased volume. Without a further glance I headed back to my office… invigorated by the wonderful five minute interlude in the middle of my day.

The Last Word?

The Last Word?

Well, the last blog post really triggered a firestorm of comments. I love it, even if the emotions were raw and on the surface and caused great pain to others and me. I have a few responses to the many interesting comments now that the pace has slowed. Rather than hide them in a 12th comment I decided to make it a new blog entry which I would call the last word. This of course is an attempt at humor because I hope that it will trigger further comments and discussions. And, it will mean that to really understand this blog entry you will need to delve into the comments to the last one. Also, be reassured that I'm not ending the blog and will blog on.

First, Charlotte, it has been too long, but it’s great to have you back. Your defense of the American system of government is flawless... except for the final clause of your comment.... the need for civility. One of the aspects of our government that has undermined my confidence in it is the death of civility in public life. A sense of whimsy entered my mind as I thought about the comments made responding to my despair about the US Government and way of life. It was that the strong voices supporting the American governing model and way of life came from Canadians, not those who reside in the States. How odd and interesting that there is a need for perspective to gauge the significance of the activities in the US from across the border. In many ways this is true in general that we need to achieve a separateness from the thing being studied to see its truer values and meaning..

Second, Emily, to the extent that I was condescending or presumptuous, two deficiencies I've been not falsely accused of exhibiting, I apologize. There's no excuse and any explanation provided would not change the absence of an excuse so I won't tender an explanation for my ad hominem attacks on a friend. Mea culpa. You are a thinker on many issues and I understand that you don’t espouse your thoughts carelessly.

Third, anonymous, my goodness you are a feisty advocate. My initial reaction on reading your first comment was to respond along the lines of "I don't need anyone else to fight my battles for me". But then I thought about that and realized that such a response was wrong for a number of reasons.

1. There were no battles involved, but discussions between friends.

2. Everyone needs others even if we don't think so. To suggest that you will go things alone is not a sign of strength but of weakness. We are always stronger in numbers and with a broader base(how appropriate) the resistance to pressure is enhanced and the staunchness of righteous advocacy is advanced.

3. There was no fight, but instead a clash of ideas which seeks to hone all participants skills of advocacy without demeaning or diminishing any of the participants or their ideas.

4. Anonymous, as a woman arguing with a woman you bring a different perspective on the issues than I as a man talking to a woman could do. Its odd how gender is so often the elephant in the room that no one talks about. But so many of the interpersonal issues are supremely distinguished by which side of the gender divide one exists on. So some of the arguments that you made effectively as a woman, if I had made the same arguments as a man, would have been either less effective or rejected based on the gender of the source.

5. Finally, the quality of your presentation was a pleasure to read, whether I agreed with your messages or not.

Fourth, Bob, your comment brought a lightness and pleasure to my heart that was wonderful. I suppose that the thought that I touched another lonely FA alone in his own self in a way which caused him to spread his thoughts is truly special. I can only hope that like Nuclear Fission it will be a chain reaction that will liberate many more FAs to write about their experiences and feelings and share the thoughts with others.

Unlike you, I have sat with other FAs and talked with them about issues that are special to FAs without any women present. This was a special meeting for FAs in the context of a Naafa convention and was a magical moment. While many of the desires and preferences of each FA are unique and different, there is such a commonality of feeling and experience that it was wonderful to finally get a sense of belonging. Like the ugly duckling realizing that he was a swan, a member of a different species than the ducks, and being a part of a group of which he was a "normal" member.

So much of growing up as a FA is about finding yourself first and then gathering the strength and resolve to share your unpopular inner being with others. Much like gay folks who have to find the strength to acknowledge their inner desires first and then to share that sense of who they are with outside world by coming out of the closet, so FAs have to come out of the closet.


Sixth, I sensed a great loss in the sturm and drang of the advocacy of the comments relating to the last blog. I hope that there will be a healing and strengthening of friendship’s ties rather than a drifting apart.

Seventh, I sense a small community of readers and participants in this blog has developed which is maturing the blog along with me. For that I thank you all profoundly.