Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Yuck.. why do you want to know that

In response to my initial try at the FA's focus on numbers I've gotten a few comments and rather than bury my response in another comment, I figured I'd add it as a new post. Still trying to get the hang of this medium which is so flexible and free form.

I find the immediate sense of queasiness that one of the commenters to my original post gets with the thought of a FA asking her about her weight and dimensions to be interesting. It was assumed that the FA is "obsessed" with the numbers. This is a part of what I was trying to get at in my original post. I believe that this "obsession" is related to the way in which people are trying to form relationships on the internet. Guys are trying to get a better sense of a gal's physical features, because that's the way they have always started their selection process. Gals are trying to divine the guy's personality from the words he uses and the phrases and responses he makes. Of course, the personality thing is largely word based so it is an easy fit with the internet. For the guys, however, there is no easy visual fix, unless webcams are in use and I appreciate how intrusive and intimate this can be so that it would be unlikely to be the first contact method of choice. So, numbers serve as the surrogate for the FA's inquiry, generally very very early in the first conversation, for the question one asks oneself as one looks at a woman... what does she look like?

In person different people's eyes fix on different things first. Some look at eyes(yes, I've heard this though I'm not sure that I've actually believed any guy who said this unless they were viewing women wearing the Muslim burkhas which cover everything up but the eyes themeselves), some at the shape of the face, smile, breasts, overall body shape, booty, belly, legs or some combination of these. But within the first few seconds a guy's initial scan of a woman sends back signals to both heads. In some cases the big head on top says Boing, what a babe. In others only the little head on the bottom springs into action and says.... hubba hubba. And in still others both heads or neither express interest or disinterest in the lady under review. All of this non-verbal response takes place before a single word has passed between the two and is largely subconscious. If the guy has a positive reaction on either of his ends he proceeds with the verbal communication. If not, he disengages or communicates in a fashion expressing no real interest. I don't defend this approach, merely note that its the way that guys have generally determined who they woo and pursue. This approach is particularly well suited to a bar or noisy environment where verbal communication is limited, but visual communication is wide open.

Alas, the internet changes all the rules. Now, guys can't use their usual approach. Their eyes, their noses and their penises are disengaged from the process, except as filtered through the typed words appearing on their screens. Viewed in this light, its not surprising that FA's want to get some OBJECTIVE indications of what a woman looks like. Cute face... gee that doesn't say much that would distinguish a woman from any number of others and cute is a subjective reaction that may not be shared by everyone. I look at a bony fashion model type without a single curve worth talking about and her face looks gaunt, haunted and unattractive, whereas othes would pine away about the beauty and cuteness there. Nice figure.. well you've got the idea.. nice by who's definition?

While a woman's height, weight and dimensions don't define a woman, they provide a first or second level approximation of what she looks like so a guy can in his mind evaluate whether she is potentially interesting to him. Some guys are only attracted to very busty gals with huge butts. If a woman's dimensions suggest she's a relatively non-busty apple shaped woman with a very ample belly but a relatively small butt, than he can determine that she's probably not "his type". That doesn't mean they can't start chatting and develop a relationship regardless of the initial physical screening. But, it at least gives a guy a chance to have a feel for what a girl will look like. Combined with a picture it gives the guy a sense of scale and shape and other things that are sensed in an in person meeting. I can't pass by the picture thing without noting that clothing can be worn to either show or hide features. I recall going out with a gal in college who was a good friend first and when she took off her big sweater top seeing an industrial scale H cup bra that was totally unexpected . Certainly her pictures would never have hinted how busty she was. You get the idea, I hope.

Should the gal get queasy when a guy asks her for her dimensions? That's up to her, but I don't believe that its intrusive as long as its not done in a malicious or disrespectful fashion. Does she have the right to say no, or not yet. Absolutely. Will that make it tougher for the FA, yes. But making relationships and then developing them is never about being easy.

Finally, it was suggested that how would guys feel about having to give back to a woman the same sorts of numerical information, including about the length and thickness of their penis. I find this very amusing for several reasons. First, because no woman has ever asked me for this. In fact I find it rare that women ask much in the way of personal physical information. Second, because I am more than willing to share this information about me when I am having a serious personal discussion with a woman and am not ashamed or embarrassed by either the request or in providing the response. Third, it only seems fair to me that if I am interested in physical information that will allow me to create a mental construct of what the woman looks like she should be able to do the same with me. In fact, the thought that a woman in her imagination is building a virtual image of me is a very tittilating and sexy thought for me.


Anonymous Anonymous said...


25/1/06 7:42 AM  
Blogger emily pound said...

Great blog! :-) Thank you for answering some of my questions. I hope I didn't offend you by saying I find the FA fascination with numbers, dimension and size "creepy", because that was definitely not my intent. Thank God men like you exist, because if you didn't, there would be a lot of very large women out there alone and lonely. Maybe the reason it makes me a bit "queasy" is because I've been so conditioned by society to believe that any "excess" weight is gross and unattractive. While it would make me feel very good to know that the FA I'm with loves my body and wants to know all about it, I still think it would make me feel a bit uncomfortable. And you know, you mention how the internet has taken the visual quotient that is so intrinsic to men and I started thinking ... have you ever experienced that strange phenomenon where you get very intimately involved with someone on the computer, you really click with them and think, wow, I can't wait to meet this person, I feel like I'm totally in love! And then you do meet and it's a total dud. I guess that's where the guy's visual thing kicks in. Seeing a picture is not the same. It's almost like the internet forces men to communicate like women do, they fall in love with the person through words and personality, but when they finally meet it's back to good ol' nature again and the man's natural instinct kicks in. It's strange. I wish I knew how to bottle attraction or communication or whatever that secret ingredient is, that can make or break a relationship.

25/1/06 9:20 AM  
Blogger emily pound said...

oh and by the way ... I forgot to add, about the woman asking about the man's penis size, and your not being the least offended? :-) I should have known that would be the case! At least then you would know that she's definitely sexually inclined, right, if she's asking for that info? Just another way that men and women differ ... "Of course I'm not offended honey! why don't I just unzip and show you right now?" :-)

25/1/06 9:35 AM  
Blogger hugehugefan said...

Emily Pound's comment that men now have to form relationships on the internet like women is in some ways true. And her comment that when they meet there is a reversion to their old visual ways. That is right, but misses the point. She recognizes that she can meet a guy who she's had a great internet relationship with in real life and realizes instantly that there is no chemistry. So in this way, though she doesn't recognize it she's identical to the guys.

Men and women both need both the personality side and the visual/chemical side to be compatible. Men tend to do the visual/chemical screening first, women after they've done the personality screening. So its not one instead of the other.. its just the order in which guys and gals tend to do their screening.

25/1/06 10:43 AM  

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