Monday, January 23, 2006

Numbers, numbers, numbers

Number, numbers, numbers

FA’s and numbers seem to be joined at birth and inseparable till death. BBW’s and SSBBW’s generally exhibit a range of reactions to this predilection for quantification from joy that someone shares such a close interest in their dimensions, to a genial playing along with the object of their interest, to an unpleasant edginess regarding the demands for numerical data about their bodies, to a violent distaste for any inquiry regarding their dimensions.

So, there are two points to discuss here, hopefully I reach both. One, what is it that drives FA’s to get the numbers of their fat women; and two, what do they do with those numbers(or what do those numbers do to them). Of course, it would be interesting to also know why women react so differently to the FA’s requests and what do the numbers mean to them. But I suspect that’s beyond my ability to blog in one session.

As a card carrying FA from way back I can remember my earliest interest in numbers related to fat women. How much did they weigh, how big were their breasts, bellies, butts, how wide were they standing, sitting, how far down did their belly aprons sag, on all fours how far from the bed were their breasts or bellies(as my interests in larger women progressed this became mooted with many of the women whose breasts and bellies were longer than their arms), etc. But for me, once I had tasted the delights of the actual flesh the seeking of numbers was only the appetizer to the main course of a real physical relationship and not the real thing itself.

But, I had no idea why these numbers so obsessed me. Of course, like most FA’s it was only much later after years in my own private FA wilderness, assuming I was the only member of my genus or species homo sapiens FA, that I discovered others and was able to slowly discuss some of these issues. With the advent of the internet and the rapid, curiously intimate discussions with fat women, the dance between the sexes has changed. In the real world the first thing a guy sees, generally even before a single word has passed between him and the girl of his attention, is the woman’s body, in all its three dimensional glory. Some women dress to show off their shape, others to camouflage it, but a sense of size, shape and proportion is taken in at the start. In guys who usually perform their first filtering of who they're interested in visually, the first sighting is often the first cut.

However, on the internet there may be a picture or two or ten, but these two dimensional pictures only hint at the size and scope of a woman’s body. The sense of scale is not present as it is in real life. A shorter woman who is more abundantly curved may appear in pictures to be bigger, fatter and more capacious than a taller woman who weighs substantially more, but whose curves seem more scaled to her height. And, on the internet, words, which are often the only means of describing what someone looks like, are slippery. Words which mean one thing to the speaker may well have a different meaning to another.

So, the FA tries to grasp for the ladies features and wants something that is more objective than the usual words.. really big, pear shaped, very large tummy, very busty, etc. So what does he use.. numbers. Really big… how about weight.. to one person 210 pounds is really big, to another 450 pounds is midsized. Pear shaped means smaller topped and a gently curving hip and buttock on the order of 38-33-44 to one person, 46-56-87 to another. Very large tummy can mean a waistline of 38 inches and hip/belly measurement of 44 inches to one person, a waistline of 71 inches and hip/belly of 97 inches to another. Very busty to one woman may mean she wears a 42D sized bra and very busty to another woman may mean that her 58M bra with a few extenders is still too small to contain her heaving bosom.

So the numbers are much more objective than the words by themselves. They give more meaning to what the words provide. But there are down sides to the numbers, and this is more so as a woman moves into the SSBBW range. Because, here the numbers mean much less than for a woman of smaller size. Why? Because a woman with a very large tummy can have it shaped in many different ways. It can protrude outwardly, appearing very large indeed. Or, it can be very wide, but not so thick. Or, it can be so big and heavy that it drapes majestically down the woman’s front, extending down past her pubis, down onto the upper thighs and perhaps approaching the mid thighs or below. Then, the numbers which are merely girth numbers don’t accurately reflect the sheer scale and volume of the woman’s tummy. Not sure why, but some women don’t like to talk about a stomach or belly, but instead only like tummy. Who knows why? That’s another story for another entry. Some very big women have a double belly, a standard issue upper belly which seems to grow modestly, and a low slung belly apron which can often continue to grow beyond all usual dimensions providing a wall of belly from the front and an overhang of amazing distance when viewed from the side.

So, the simple three dimensions, bust, waist and hip just don’t do the trick of describing a fat woman’s shape as she enters the range of the SSBBW. What’s a FA to do? Well, either meet the lady and let his eyes do all the work(assuming they don’t pop out of his head-or they jointly agree to allow his fingers, hands, lips and tongue to share the load) or ask for more numbers. New and more creative measurements such as bellydrop, upper arms, upper and lower legs, upper and lower belly girth, etc…

Well, that lays out some of the reasons for numbers.

But, from the female side there tends to be a sense that the problem is that the boys aren’t worshipping them, but worshipping only the numbers. In fact, many of us FA’s do seem to be rather obsessed with numbers, more and more numbers to the extent that it seems that all we are interested in is how heavy, how big, how long, how wide, how…. And.. not interested in the lady, but only her numbers. And, if that’s the way it seems or is, that’s not right. The numbers, in my view are merely something to bring a FA and his lady closer together and for him to know her and her body better as they fill out their relationship, deciding if they are compatible in all the many ways that a man and a woman have to be for a more than slam bam thank you maam relationship. They are not a replacement for a relationship with the real world woman and, apart from a feeder or dieter situation, are essentially a one shot situation and not something to be repeated on a regular basis for the guy to get his jollies(unless of course both partners get off on the measuring).

I have noticed that most of the women who seem most dissatisfied with the concept of measuring themselves at the request of their potential beaus are dissatisfied because they sense that the guys are interested in the numbers and not them. Generalizations are of limited value, but it seems that there must be at least a significant number of these FAs who either are singularly interested more in the numbers than the girls or are doing a poor job of communicating the role of seeking the gal’s numbers as a part of exploring the development of a relationship.

Again, I come back to the peculiarities of the budding internet romance and the odd way in which there is an immediate intimacy of discussion and expression which would be virtually unheard of in a traditional real world relationship. I would be shocked to hear that a guy who met a woman at a friend’s party or an office party or on a double date set up by friends would immediately ask her how much she weighs, what size bra she wears and how far down her belly apron hangs etc. Yet, this sort of discussion is not uncommon on the internet. In fact, I’ve had many women complain that this is the standard fare for them in internet chat rooms where FA’s looking for BBW’s size them up like chickens.. how big, how big breasts, how big thighs, etc.

Do I have a conclusion to this post? No. I want to know what others think and then maybe I’ll opine some more.


Blogger Charlotte said...

First of all, I agree with you about pictures not being a good medium to depict fat. I’ve been trying for YEARS to get a good picture of Ian that captures his true magnitude, and the results range from total failure to mild failure. I’ve been accused of being too perfectionist, but those who know Ian also know that I’m right: the pictures are nothing.

As for the numbers… life is complicated, and there are a great many social forces at work here. The idea of a guy folding out playboy and reading off the numbers is something that we officially loathe… listing off our numbers isn’t any different. This loathing is socialised, so some women love the attention, some women love the attention, but hate to be hypocritical, and some women genuinely hate the idea that these numbers matter at all.

I know that I’ve fit into all the categories over my lifetime.

As a BBW, some women are more accepting of it than others. With these levels of acceptance comes levels of comfort and actually admitting that, yes, my weight exceeds my area code, or yes, my waist measurement is larger than any three playmates put together.

The trouble is… if you tell a guy these numbers, is that all he’s interested in? Think of it like dating, asking these numbers is analogous to the ‘bases’. If you try for home before you try for first, you’ll be out. The numbers are important to you, but if they are too important, we’ll just move on.

PS, my husband has been reading your diary, but he doesn't want to sign up just to comment. Just letting you know that he understands what you mean to the letter!

24/1/06 8:42 AM  
Blogger hugehugefan said...

Charlotte, I've been a reader of your blog and that of Ian for quite some time. While my focus may be slightly different than your two blogs I am captivated by the way in which you both wrestle with the issues which you encounter in doing what makes sense for you and makes you both happy. I'm heartened to see that my take on women's reactions to numbers is not far from the mark. Your suggestion that you've had different views about sharing your numbers at different times is wonderful. It never occurred to me that this would be the case, usually confronting a reluctance, refusal or delight in response to a request to a particular maiden only once per lass. And, your comment about touching the bases in order so that you can reach home is perfect. But, from the guy side the degree of difficulty is increased because different women order their bases differently so one needs to take it slowly and ask directions to the next base(something guys just aren't constituted to do) before assuming he knows which wasy to go.

And pictures.. probably a whole new and different blog post, but I've always wanted a new picture of you, since the old one promises so much. I do, however, sadly understand your demand for perfection and hope that Ian improves on his photography skills.

24/1/06 9:25 AM  
Blogger emily pound said...

I guess I have never been with a true FA in the sense that no man I have ever been with has asked me what I weigh, what my measurements are, etc. In fact, the men I have been with have only been interested in my weight in the sense that they think I should lose it, and then I would please them better. But to me, this FA's obsession with what the woman weighs, her belly size, how low her apron hangs, how wide she is, etc. ... I'm sorry, it just seems kind of creepy. I don't understand it. I would really like to know where this obsession with the woman's girth comes from and if you can explain it to me, please do. I understand why some (if not all) large or SSBBWs would be offended by the guy asking all these "technical" questions because he is focussing totally on her body, not on HER ... oddly enough, the same thing THIN women complain about: "He's only interested in me for my body." I can compare it to a woman asking a guy what his penis size is, how thick it is, etc. How would you feel if the first time you met a woman, she wanted all your "vital statistics" to see if you measured up? Wouldn't you feel offended?

I would love to read a blog by you about the genesis of your FAness, what you think brought it on, what "caused" it, why it is part of your psyche. It's hard for me to understand, but it does fascinate me.

25/1/06 6:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

First of all, as I've said many, many times, you're a truly gifted writer. :-) Second, I want to thank you for giving me some real insight into the numbers game. For me, as a BBW, the whole numbers question is a matter of timing. If someone online asks me my statistics in the beginning phases of getting to know each other, it infuriates me and is a huge red flag that he's more interested in my fat than he is in *me*.

What I've found interesting is that lately, especially with a lot of the younger FA's, when I gently explain that asking a woman's statistics online is really no different from walking up to a woman in the supermarket and asking her stats, they really seem to "get it", for the most part, and end up apologizing for their unintended rudeness. I think with the younger FA's, it's frequently a matter of them feeling like kids in a candyshop, and just getting overexcited. The older, more experienced ones, however, know better.

But I digress. I have no problem sharing my numbers with someone with whom I've been speaking for a while. I'm not ashamed of them, and I do understand the limitations of 2-d pictures. I love the notion of a man "digging" me and my body so much that he's just dying to know more, but as I said, it has to be with the understanding that he's equally fascinated with my mind, and my heart.

Still digressing. Yes, so thank you for giving me some insight into why FA's tend to be so into the numbers. It gives me some understanding and even some empathy, which is always a good thing. I hope that I haven't scared off any nice FA's by meeting their numbers inquiry with indignation or outright anger, but in truth, I probably have.

Keep writing! :-)

7/2/06 9:39 AM  
Blogger hugehugefan said...

Dear Anonymous--

I'm glad that someone has found the blog useful. As others have gotten wealthy pointing out, men and women seem to come from two different planets. I find it interesting that you parcel out information relating to your numbers, as something of value which is to be husbanded(pun intended), only if the guys express an appropriate interest in the you beyond the numbers. This is clearly a woman oriented approach to forming relationships(as I've described it before), modified for the internet. It allows you to do some weeding based on the guy's personality, and persistence before giving him what he wants. Perhaps the best result of this is to weed out the guys who refuse to explore a relationship with you unless they know how big your belly, boobs and butt are. Doesn't sound like you've lost a lot by rejecting these guys. Of course, like in all situations, hard and fast rules are only there to be broken when appropriate.

Thanks for your interesting comment.


7/2/06 1:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I laughed when I read this, I have been asked a few times for my stats.. in general it doesnt annoy me as I see the reasons behind it.. what DOES annoy me is when someone pms you and asks immediately! no hi no chatting nothing, when that happens I feel like a slab of meat, and I usually dont tell them, its like me rolling up and saying ok boy, whip out your willie please.. eh nope sorry you dont measure up.. yuk yuk yuk

26/5/06 3:48 PM  

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