Sunday, January 15, 2006

On the road to FAdom

As a young proto-FA of 12 or 13, struggling with my raging hormones and the reappearance of an entire half of the human population, i.e. the girls.. I was a massively uncontrollable boob freak. I lusted for big breasted women, lived to see them, dreamed about them, masturbated to my mental images of them and did everything possible with my limited social skills with the women I found attractive to lay my hands on the genuine article.

Looking back on this socially acceptable (well, at least within the society of other men) boob crazed period I was able to share my feelings about the women I found attractive with my fellows. As this evolved to loving fat women in whatever form they took I discovered that this camaraderie and cooperative support not only evaporated, but any expression of my amorous interest in a gal with any sort of curves apart from ample bosom was met with scorn and even ridicule. Being the normal fellow who prefers the positive feedback of my peers I went through a series of stages.

The first stage was refocusing my attention on big breasted women. At this stage I just assumed that I was probably a bit weird but this attraction to fat girls would pass along with the intermittent pimples that seemed to appear on a regular basis. The second stage was to shift my attention to big breasted gals who were much bigger on top and who might also have more than average size bodies in other parts. At this point I realized that this attraction was no longer socially acceptable in my circle of friends and acquaintances. But, I refused to give up my feelings, even though I was probably no older than 13 or 14. Any sense that actually like women because they were fat never occurred to me at that point.

At that time there was no internet, but, thankfully there were big breast magazines. Although you were supposed to be 18 to buy these holy texts, the local candy store operator would sell you these magazines, carefully slid into a thin brown paper bag for concealment purposes. Since I had no one to discuss my feelings with, I came to await the appearance each month of the new issues of Gent and BUF, and perhaps others, though these two remain in my mind as the source of much pleasure.

The next phase in my maturity and awareness was probably about age 15 or 16 when I became aware of some of my female classmates having matured beyond the nascent breast stage. Okay, some of these gals had sprouted and had enormous breasts. One in particular was a girl I had known for almost a decade and had shared many classes with. We used to talk all the time as she was "one of the guys" on many subjects. She had not only gone from a flat chested slightly chubby girl to a mammoth mammaried maiden, she sported heavily rounded hips and butt and a slightly rounded belly. In other words she was a WOMAN. To put it in context, she was probably a 38DD and maybe weighed about 180 pounds. Naturally, my efforts to talk with her met with an amazing inability to manipulate my tongue apart from lower animal grunting sounds and words tripping over each other. Of course, with her newly blossomed prow a wide variety of boys higher on the social pecking order had descended on her. Of course it didn't hurt her social elevation that she also continued to wear shirts that were purchased before her eruptions. As I began to convince myself that any success with this goddess of the High School hallways was beyond my abilities, I cast about for other possibilities.

Soon, I discovered a girl in my classes of similar age and academic interests, with a 40DD bra and a very full bodied form(no this isn't a guess). She was safe since she was dating another guy, who was nowhere as intelligent as she, and very friendly. That summer she and I went to summer program at a college and one thing leading to another we became good friends, and one evening, sitting on a dark campus lawn went a bit further. That would explain the knowledge of her bra size. On that evening I had my first real contact with ample bosom, tender lips and.. a soft body. Alas, she decided that she'd rather be my friend than my special friend.. and I was back in the wasteland of despair.

But this led me to another cathartic experience, as I contemplated and replayed over and over and over again in my mind and fantasies our briefest of interludes. I decided that the big breasts were fabulous, but couldn't imagine that I'd be attracted to them on a skinny body. As my awareness of what I was turned on by started to shift, I realized, as I looked back into my past how I'd always been unnaturally interested in fatter women, whether big busted or not. I recalled what FA's call sightings dating back to my first decade of life, women so fat and beyond the norm that more than 10 years later I still had strong recollections of the details of their amazingly enormous bellies, hips, thighs, butts or arms. This evolution took about 2-3 years, by which time I was in college and started to date women of varying sizes of bigger than the norm, up to about 200 or 220 pounds and with breasts above average in size.

At this point I knew that I liked women who were bigger than most of my college friends found attractive and struggled with my efforts to build the self confidence among my family and friends which would allow me to pursue and openly enjoy a relationship with a bigger woman. It was only a few years later, after becoming comfortable openly expressing my interest in bigger women(what I'd now call mid size bbws) that I came to grips with my family and friends, telling them that I found these women attractive and wasn't put off by their comments. I also told them that if I brought my girl friends to family or friends' events I expected them to make no comments which could be interpreted as negative reflections on their weight, including suggestions of good diets, etc. It was a good concept.. of course in practice it took much time till they finally stopped trying so hard to make me either find skinnier women or get them to lose weight..

And, after college, I experienced my first SSBBW, a woman I met in a bar near a friend's summer cottage. This woman was probably around 400 pounds and had a belly apron of some size. The sex, was for me liberating and wonderful. Of course, our relationship was only about sex and didn't survive the weekend. But the memory has lasted since then. Since then I've never looked back at skinny women, understanding that my body and mind was only attracted. Now, I am attracted to women in all sizes of large, but prefer women toward the larger end of the spectrum.

I'm interested in other guy's stories of how they came to grips with their FA'dom and other women's stories how they helped guys make this jump out of the FA closet.

7 Comments:

Blogger emily pound said...

I never had any success bringing my FA's out of the closet, until I met my husband. He is a handsome, athletic guy, and my own mother would not believe he was my boyfriend until his constant visits to my house rendered it undeniable.

Unfortunately, I have all too much experience with men who were all too eager to spend time with me in the dark, but when the sun came up ... it was quite a different story.

16/1/06 9:24 AM  
Blogger Durin said...

Except for Linda Carter, who I had a crush on when I was a kid I have always been attracted to Fat Women.

I think the hard part for an FA or at least pre-Internet FA's was that you did not know there was anyone like you.

When I was in College I found the Dimensions web site and all of a sudden a whole other world opened up for me. When my fiance broke up with me,who was about a size 16, I decided to only date BBW's.

I married a wonderful BBW in 1999 and we are still married and have a wonderful relationship.

16/1/06 10:57 AM  
Blogger Durin said...

How did I come to grips with being an FA?

Except for Linda Carter I have only been attracted to Fat Women.

Skinny and Normal sized women have no sexual attraction to me.

I think for the pre-Internet FA the hardest thing about the preference was that you did not know there was anyone like you. You considered yourself just a lone freak.

In College I discovered Dimensions online and it opened a whole other world for me. When I left college I decided that I was going to be my own man and not let others determine my hapiness or lack therof.

I finally met a wonderful BBW and we have been married for 6 years now.

16/1/06 11:18 AM  
Blogger emily pound said...

I just want to add ... any FA who IS in the closet and bows to social pressures is, in my opinion, thoroughly contemptible. I have no sympathy.

16/1/06 11:36 AM  
Blogger hugehugefan said...

I need to come to the defense of my fellow FA's out of the closet, hidden deep in the closet or hopefully on their way out. It is not an easy transformation, and the longer one waits, the more difficult it can be.

So, while I agree with you that all FA's should come clean and out of the closet, I am not so quick to condemn them or say they are due no sympathy. The ease by which FAs are able to blend in has made many of us take the path of least resistance. BBWs and SSBBWs don't have this option open to them. There is no way to hide their size (and no, wearing black pants doesn't do the trick).

To take a stand and take the heat for what we care about is the only way to go. And having figured that out years ago followed that approach. But, perhaps the better way is not to condemn but lead these boys into the promised land (even if they're kicking and screaming as you do so).

16/1/06 12:13 PM  
Blogger emily pound said...

huge,

I hear what you're saying. I know it is not easy for men to be open about liking bigger women ... they are susceptible to ridicule, comments that they "can't get any better" ... I'm sure there's all sorts of stigmas associated with it. However, having said that, think about it from the fat woman's point of view. She has finally found a guy who seems to love her and appreciate her for who she is, but only in private. When and if they're in public, he acts like she's nothing. How do you think this makes a fat woman feel? I can obviously speak from personal experience, having been subjected to treatment like this from men who so-called "loved" me or "liked" me or whatever ... and believe me, it hurt. That's why I say I have no sympathy. Yeah, it's hard to tell society to go fuck itself and be the person you are with no qualms, but if you truly want the love and respect of a fat woman, it's the only way to go. If you're not willing to do it, you are not worthy of her. It shows her you have no balls. Talk about a turn-off.

17/1/06 8:26 AM  
Anonymous didgyreandgimble said...

The only thing I have to say is that it saddens me that our society is so mean to people who like different types: men for men, women for women, women for fat men, and men for fat women. Why the hell can't we just leave each other alone? Why is it anyone else's business anyway?

I haven't had enough experience with men to really discuss this in any depth, and I've only had one lover who was a true FA and he turned out to be married so that put the kabosh on that... Still, it was really nice for a change for someone to really enjoy me just as I was and to find me beautiful. It made a huge difference in my self esteem. I will never forget him...

4/4/06 2:36 AM  

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